A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey all. this ones kinda complicated for me. i am currently engaged to my girlfriend. but lately have been feeling like is this the person i really wanna be with!!see i give her everything i can to make her happy. but back in november i found a unsent text on her phone (she let me use her phone to text a friend). the text message was only a draft but it was to her ex. the message was of a very sexual nature and that it was a dirty secret between them two!!! i confronted her and she broke down. she said the message wasnt sent and it wasn't i know. also she was coked up at the time she wrote it. i forgave her for it but i've never felt the same for her since it happened. i mean i go out of my way to make her happy and this is how she repays me??? its on my mind everyday of the week!!! when i see her i love her, but when shes gone i hate her for it. what do i do??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2009): Ok if you're doubting marrying her, then don't. Simple as. Basically, don't marry someone you can live with, marry someone who you can't live without. If you can't live withour her, then it is the right decision regardless of her probs because you love her so much, if you can live without her, then do.
A
female
reader, lotus mama808  +, writes (21 March 2009):
 Yeah, herb is one thing (she may get too lazy to be mischievious, lol) but coke is a whole other thing. No one on a drug like that can be trusted. Good luck:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice people. i've said to her, if she ever does coke again i'll leave her. naughty i know but i recently did check her phone and everything was ok. shes been a cannabis addict for years and shes finally trying to quit for me. i know she loves me but i really can't forget about the text she wrote. its stupid cause she didn't even send it, but ever since i found it i've never felt the same again for her. i just feel paranoid all the time. we have talked about it, it seems as if theres something wrong with me.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (20 March 2009):
 Wow a lying cokehead, that's a shock! Mate seriously, trust is a major issue in all relationships and for this kind of thing will drive you insane.
Coke addicts will do all sorts of things to fuel their addiction and to cover up after themselves. Then they don't know what they are doing while taking the drug.
I seriously wouldn't ever date a girl that does coke (again) let alone marry one!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): I too am recently engaged. And I sometimes wonder if this is the right thing, and if he really is the person I want to spend the rest of my life or his life depending on who dies first with?
When I see him I feel fine and maybe, just maybe things will be alright and we can make a go of it and have a good life. But when I'm away from him I feel bogged down and I have serious doubts.
I talked to my mother and she told me to talk to him and get the answers to the questions that I want. And it seems to me that you have to do the same thing. We both have to suck it up and ask them the hard questions and find out if they really are the person you can live with for the next fifty years?
I know what it's like you feel like you give more than you get in your current relationship and that you are the one doing all the work. I know I do.
And already I'm starting to grow irratated with him. If you feel that this is something you can't get over than you have two choices only:
1) Talk to her find out everything get the answers you want if she starts to cry ease up but don't feel guilty you have the right to know what ever it is you need to know.
2) If you can't completly forgive her, one hundered percent no 'I hate her when she's gone' then you have to as hard as I know it is, break up she's not the one for you.
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (20 March 2009):
This was in November so there has been some time in between. She may have realized that it isn't cool. As long as she is snorting, however, she can't REALLY be trusted. (believe me, I know! Seen it all too many times.) Has she quit? Do you do it too? Have you talked to her about how that text made you feel? Maybe putting off the engagement untill you feel you can fully trust her would be the best option here. You say you put in your all to making her happy, do you feel she does the same for you? Balance is key to a happy, healthy marriage.
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