A
female
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anonymous
writes:Jealousy is a problem for me. It seems that I get mad at the slightest attention my bf gives to any girl around. I don't understand why I am like this, but I am and it seems that I cannot help it. I know this will ruin our relationship in time if I don't ease up a little bit. No one wants their partner being jealous all the time. I'm just always thinking about stupid stuff and getting mad about it when he's talking with another woman, no matter if he's getting his hair cut, we're shopping together, at the grocery store. I know he likes attention and that's how he is and I knew he was like this before we got together, but it always seems he's looking for someone else other than me. For some reason, I think that I am not good enough for him. He told me that he's not going anywhere. I know this is a self-confidence thing, I had it before we got together, so why don't I have it anymore? It seems that I lost it once I got comfortable with him. Does anyone have any advice for me at all? I'm so lost and confused and sometimes hate myself for the way I am. Please help me!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2006): You've got to realise what's good about yourself and realise why he's going out with you. This isnt an issue with him, this is an issue with you not respecting yourself as much as you should. Remember, there are reasons why he is going out with you and accept them. You may never even really know the reasons why he likes you and not the other girl down the road who to you seems prettier, funnier, more intelligent, but you don't have to. That girl is just better than you in your eyes, those are your thoughts, not his. Accept that you are having fun in your relationship which is why you are together and make the most out of that, we never know whats going to happen in the long run, so you may aswell make the most out of the time you have now and not worry about the future, who knows, it could even make that future last a little longer!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2006): I've got the same problem with my boyfriend. He doesn't know about it because I don't want him to think I don't trust him because I definitely do. I just don't want him to start thinking about other girls or fantasising about them when I'm not there. I'm ruining our time together because I always feel paranoid about it. I need to work on my self confidence, I think I'm putting myself down too much, and thinking about whether other girls are more attractive than me or not. Life is so difficult!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2006): I had a similar problem and I went down to my university library and in the pyschology section I found some really great books that were written about how jealously occurs, why some people get it, why others don't, ways to combat it etc. I found that useful and some of them had really useful tips that may help you too.
But in short - I know what you are feeling. Jealously sucks big time and you can't just magically make it go away. Work through it slowly by looking at the good things in your relationship, think about yourself in his situation and if you have been hurt before by someone - leave that at the door and don't let it impact on what you have with your new boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, x Chrissy x +, writes (21 January 2006):
 Hey, Being jealous can cause a lot of problems in your relationship and you cannot get jealous at every woman that comes walking into the door. I am sure that your bf is really nice but have you ever thought that maybe you dont trust him enough and that is why you get sooo jealous. You need to talk to your bf and try to come to some sort of understanding with him and try to pput yourself in his shoes. What if every man you spoke to your bf would get really jealous about. It will be very hard for a relationship to continue this way and you need to stop this now ot you might end up breaking of. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (21 January 2006):
 Are you saying that you had self-confidence before you got together but not now? If you are then I am wondering if the root cause of this problem is the fact that you are not used to a stable and comfortable relationship. Have you in the past had relationships that have been almost permanently unstable and or been cheated on? I wonder if you have and that has become habit forming and now you are in a stable situation it's almost too good to be true.
The first positive step to deal with this is to stop hating yourself. Hating yourself will only make things worse. You can't be blamed for how you feel, there are no right and wrong answers just how you are. Once you have stopped the cycle of self-torture then you can move onto other steps. I think you need to discuss this with your boyfriend. Tell him how you feel and that you know he is not going anywhere but also say that you are going to take positive steps to get over this but you need his love, support and understanding.
Try making a list of the sweet things your boyfriend says to you and has done for you. When you begin feeling jealous look at the women he is talking too and remind yourself of that list and remember that your boyfriend has never and will never do those things for her. Otherwise work on your self-confidence. Look at all your positive qualities as a person and be assured this is why you deserve your wonderful boyfriend and the happiness you have. Good luck with this and take care :).
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