| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: i'm so sad! no one likes me enough for me to be their girl. I met a guy once, but he stopped contacting me after a few dates, another made it clear all he wanted was sex, another was way too clingy and i had to let him down. and so it goes on and on.....I am 20! i am not that pretty, but i'm by no means ugly either, i'm kinda average. I do need to loose a bit of weight, but other than that i have a nice personality, so i don't see why boys can't see it.My best friend is stunning and whenever we go out dancing, it really knocks my confidence to see all the attention she gets while i get little or none. I try not to let it affect me and I think positive all the time. But i'm getting impacient. I just want to feel real love.
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (5 August 2009):
 There is no such thing as an average person. Basically most people are special in one way of another - talented, attractive, intelligent...whatever you like! If you go out to clubs then you will find there are lots of players looking for one-night-stands etc...that is the nature of the environment. I am not saying it is unimaginable to find love in such a place...I met my husband at a club. However, it might not be the best place to start looking especially if you have self esteem issues. Clubs are about physical looks as you cannot have a chat over that music! Post-club dates are about finding out if you have anything in common...in a lot of cases there will be little left to talk about!
Dating requires confidence - you have to meet lots of people to figure out who is right for YOU. That is the key word here - what is right for YOU. If men reject you then they are not suited to you, and you can move onto to someone who maybe. You have to get out of the mindset of wanting a boyfriend, and think more in terms of wanting specific people who will treat you with respect. At your age it can be hard to find real love, but with age it gets easier for some people. I didn't find my husband until I was in my 30's and had dated quite a few men so take your time, start liking yourself a bit more for what you are and stop comparing yourself to your friend.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (5 August 2009):
 Someone wanted just sex, and going out with your friend it hurts your confidence when she gets attention by a whole bunch of guys who just want sex.
Your not going to find love in clubs. OK maybe, but a low chance. Average people get love. If you're looking for real love it may take longer to find that special someone. Just don't give up. There's someone out there waiting for you. If you give up, you might walk right past and not know it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): There are much more 'average' people on this planet than extraordinary people and many of those extraordinary people don't even find love, ever.
Remember: your best friend is attracting a certain group of people when she goes dancing. If you're a musician and you often play at an event, you would be more attractive than your best friend who can't even play a note or any instrument without making the cats squeal and run away.
By the way, "real love" is not an universal term that can be defined by one person's experiences. 'Love' can only be defined by the moment of being connected to or connecting with.
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It isn't because you can't find "real love" or you are unattractive. It is because you have set a criteria in the type of men you allow into your intimate life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): Of course average people get real love too, all the time, finding real love is another story but it does happen if we are lucky. You are only 20, you have plenty of time, you won't be alone, Mr. Right will come by sooner or later when you least expect. You have nice personality that's a plus, boys will see that, may be it's not the time yet. I used to be impatient when I was your age, don't be. When you wanted to find someone so badly, it never happened but when you didn't mean to look for him, he's right there right around the corner (do you have a boy's neighbor your age by the way ? He might be the one.) Take your time...you don't need to rush...you'll find him.
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