A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:What does it mean when a man says i am tired of you trying to dictate when I need to do something???He is the worst procrastinator. I have sat back and tried to let him handle our family business. But he will lie about doing it and it never gets done in time.He says it is his problem to worry about let him fix it and worry over it. Well we are married and what ever mess you are in is now both our messes as far as the world is concerned.Bills are due on a certain date. Paperwork needs to be filed on a certain date. The world as far as financial debt is concerned is not on your time schedule, they are on their own and you have to abide by their time.I can not sit here and let things fall down around me. What do I do???
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 I am not sure ,because I don't know how bad the situation is ... but it just may mean that your husband is more laid back, "go with the flow " than you are.
Some people need a lot of order and structure around them to feel good, some don't.
My husband was the type of person who literally can't sleep if he has a few dirty glasses in the kitchen sink. Mind you, I am not a slob either. But, we used to have people over on Saturdays, for dinner, or a card game, and some times they would leave really,really late. I had no problem to go to sleep leaving the clean-up for Sunday morning. My husband never could- he would try (unsuccesssfully ) to convince me washing dishes in the middle of the night , then he would do it himself. No matter what the time was.
He had several similar "organizational " hang ups, which I never shared. And yet, I have managed to stay out of trouble, out of debt, and off the streets :), exactly like him.
Again, it all depends how bad is the situation, of course. If his lack of organization is ruining your finances and plunging you into debt,- then you are right, it's serious.
But if it all boils down to paying bills a couple days late,or home repairs not being done on schedule, or stuff like that, - let him be. Your world won't fall down for that , and you'll avoid a lot of friction.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 My first husband was horrible about managing paperwork and doing finite things that required deadlines, thus we were always getting disconnect notices on our bills. One day when he wasn't around, I simply sat down, opened the mail and started paying the bills, and sorting through the paperwork myself. My husband never even noticed. So for the next month, when the bills and paperwork arrived, instead of fretting over what he wasn't getting done, I just did it myself and pretty soon, the problem went away. Turns out he really hated doing those "secretarial" things hence the procrastinaton. I really didn't mind the details of that kind of work, so it was a win-win. Try it for yourself. Whatever you can do without his assistance, then do it. It may solve your problem.
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A
female
reader, banjopicker +, writes (10 September 2010):
Keep the utilities on, take your name off his credit cards, keep insurance bills paid and taxes paid. Keep all of your receipts for at least 18 months. Keep a daily journal. Keep a recorded budget. Separate your accounts, JOINT NOTHING!!!! Build your own credit. Start a private nest egg, in someone elses' name that you really trust. Sounds like you may need it in the near future. Sounds like you should be the one in charge of the finances and just give him a monthly allowance until he decides to grow up. The nagging isn't working so stop it. Stop doing everything for him, it's only adding to your stress. You're not his mother and he's not a 14 year old boy. He sounds irresponsible and immature.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (10 September 2010):
 What is it with husband's procrastinating? The only chores I give my husband is taking out the trash and sometimes I have to remind him to do it. You know I try to do everything, and I hate when I have to ask him to do something because I know he will put it off or forget, then I have to constantly remind him turning into a nagging, bitching wife. And when they ask us to do something we hop right to it. Maybe someone will solve this mystery for me one day.
Puzzle Solver is right paying bills online is the best thing since GPS. Set up a username and password enter in your debit card info then you're set. I do that for the rent, cell phones, cable/internet, etc. no calling to give them your debit info over the phone and no snail mail. You're just going to have to take over making sure the bills are paid. It's just part of everyday life, sorting through the mail picking out the bills sticking them in their own pile. Once their paid them I file them, with conformation numbers on them or printed receipts attached because you never know when AT&T will call saying your past due on this bill when you're really not. All about the check and balance.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 Why not do it together.. get yourselves a household diary, write down when bills are due. Once a month, you have the family finance day, you pay the bills together, check to see if too much money is going out, make up a proper budget and see if you can save some for a rainy day.It is dangerous for a man or woman to do this alone. Bills belong to both of you, you both need to take responsibility for finances. That way, you both know exactly what is happening and there is no stress with finances.Please also get two joint accounts. One for all the bills and one for saving together.. then separate accounts so you can buy stuff in private.It really is that easy and stops all the financial arguments. You do joint bills together, so you don't worry, then he can be sloppy and late with his own personal purchases. People handle business better, this is a way to stop money making you fight.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): Try to pay the bills yourself everytime they come in the mail, and if you can, do it online, so you can track which bills have just been paid and which ones are next to arrive each month.
My wife has a bad habit of making sure the bills instantly get thrown into one of her piles of paperwork that never gets organized or taken care of, so I started trying to ensure every new bill that comes in the mail for either both of us(bills included) or for me, is filed in my own 'to do' file folder. I keep a separate file folder for receipts of every kind, in case they are needed down the road(for warranties or insurance).
Get him to open an online banking account so he only has to log in and click to pay what you give him to pay. If you have a joint account, make sure he's pumping his fair share of money into the account, so you're not using your income only, or mostly, to pay for everything.
If he falls behind on chores frequently, or doesn't do them at times, instead of reminding him to do his fair share, just wash your own clothes and leave his in the hamper..wash your own dishes, but leave his sit in piles, and leave the lawn cutting for him everytime. If something needs fixing, don't call a handyman, but wait until he finally calls them. By simply not doing the chores for him, instead of reminding him verbally, he'll start to remind himself, because his survival instincts will kick in. He feels safe, now that he's married, so you need to cut that safety net by refusing to take the initiative most of the time. Only then will he figure it out.
As mad as you'll feel inside, you'll notice how fast he picks up his socks when you start to slack off, yourself, on alot of the chores, and force him to take responsibility into his own hands, by not doing his chores for him when he gets lazy each time. You'll start to feel alot better knowing you don't have to go so much out of your way to make up for the effort he lacks.
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