A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My significant other will comment about women on tv or about coworkers. The other day it was a sitcom and the supporting actor was dating a woman and the actor said she was hot. Then the woman appeared and my SO goes Wow! and then Wow! again. Then the sitcom went on to say that if the actor husband had a chance he would do it with a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model, which he denyed in a funny tone. But my SO said Well, yes, he would do it if it was a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. We watched a movie and he said about an actress when she was saying her part, I love her! Or he will comment how an actress is beautiful. I "always" get this running commentary on the woman's appearance when we watch movies together and usually the word he uses a lot is "beautiful". Same for some of his co-workers. How beautiful some of them are. "Not that he notices" he will tell me. Then again he will tell me that it is me that makes our home. He tells me that he only loves me and to never doubt that. It's such a mixed bag. I feel immaturity on his part blurting out about women's attractiveness and it's disrespectful towards me. Is it massive cluelessness or no social grace on his part? Then again, he can turn around and say the nicest things to me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): My Father, out of TRUE FIDELITY, with love and respect for my Mother - would NEVER act or say things to hurt or harm my Mother, his marriage, his friendship with her.
Especially not overly lusting over another woman who was not my Mother.
This is the same Man that taught me about the 3 second rule when I was 13 years old. You, being human, may notice another attractive being and if its a woman, you do the 3 second, hmmm. Then let it go. No turning your head, no double takes and ESPECIALLY no out loud "WOW" or like comments. He told me this rule as a means to educate me about human nature vs being a more honourable person of purer thought and deed.
He told me its a good habit for men to develop as it is a means to protect his marriage from infidelity. The more you put into lustful thoughts that do not center around your spouse, the more lazy and carnal you MAY become.
So I was modelled what a REAL, Loving, Honest Man acts, behaves, governs himself.
So I don't date or keep such men like that around.
I'd wave Bye Bye.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): In the beginning of our relationship, my ex was compassionate and loving and would say things like "she doesn't compare to you, I think you're the most beautiful girl in the world." And then after a few years, he would say things like "Oh yea, I'd do her" to any female, young or old, that passed by. Eventually I found out he was texting some girl friend of his, asking her to go over to his house and "play" with him, etc. etc. He never changed, no matter how many times he pleaded with me to forgive him. Not all guys are the same, this is only my experience; but in my opinion, relationships are built on mutual respect for one another and without respect and trust, things will eventually become worse. Best of luck to you, if it really bothers you and he cares about you, you should let him know before it gets out of hand.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): My boyfriend does the same thing. It doesn't bother me so much with women on tv but it really does with women he works with or is friends with because they are "real" to him. Obviously men will notice pretty women but I think that pointing them out or talking about them with their partner is just downright disrespectful because they aren't considering your feelings. I recently told my boyfriend that it upsets me when he does this and now he is trying to do it less. It's a slow process but we're getting there. Perhaps you should try the same.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): What bothers me is that he does it all the time. It's like he gets fixated on their beauty and then he just has to say something.It might be too that he is being mildly narcissistic and playing head games with me to get me jealous or to let me know that hey, there are other women out there besides me.Maybe my self-esteem is starting to take a beating. I never had that problem before. So yes, I am starting to feel like this plain Jane and that maybe I need plastic surgery to get my self-esteem back.Beyond that I guess I find it disrepectful from someone who is suppose to be in love with me.I can't help how I truly feel and this is the result of that behavior.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 December 2012):
 Yes, but in all honesty so do I.
I, however NEVER compare my husband to any of them or point out his "short-coming" in comparison.
I married HIM. I have been married to HIM for 15 years now.. That should tell HIM something lol.
And I didn't go blind when I married my husband, neither did he. I still notice a gorgeous guy and he still notice gorgeous gals.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 December 2012):
 Noticing other people is a very different situation from noticing and commenting. My boyfriend will only comment on it if I ask. Never unsolicited.
Have you tried talking to him about it/telling him it's hurting your self-esteem?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): I understand what you're going through. My boyfriend does the exact same thing. It is annoying sometimes, b/c you hear about how attractive other women are but not about the person your with. Makes a person feel like they're not as beautiful. I think going overboard with blurting out Oh she's hot etc need to stop. I am pretty sure men would get annoyed hearing their partner say how hot other men are. I've blurted out rarely if another man is attractive- its rare but when I do he gives a stunned look. I say do it to him see how he likes it. Oh and make sure you look your hottest- because you want to be attractive. See how he reacts, why do you want to look attractive? Embody what makes you feel and look confident and attractive.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 December 2012):
 Of course he does. my husband comments on women on TV, on girls we see at the mall, or online. He makes comments about men too.
He's very opinionated....
IF he had the chance to do it with a model or anyone else I’m sure he would do it. BUT define “the chance” does it mean that he would lie and cheat? Or is “the chance” that he was single or that you gave him “a hall pass” type of thing… See to my husband “the chance” would not involve cheating… but it would involve getting permission to do so… so that wouldn’t even bother me if he said it…
He may not be immature but he may have impulse control issues and says what’s on his mind without forethought (most ADHD folks are like that including myself)
What exactly about his comments bothers you? Do you feel that his seeing the beauty in other women takes away from his seeing your beauty? Do you feel he’s cheating by looking and noticing other women? Do you feel hurt? Why?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 December 2012):
 Well you can try the tit-for-tat approach; you know commenting on how hot a guy is etc...but I find that guys are generally clueless to the subtle suggestions and that's why the cast iron frying pan was invented.
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