A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes: Does Love, I mean Real Love mean that you can forgive your lover for anything and be able to move on together and make that love work or does it mean just love while things are good and when they are bad you just up and run?
View related questions:
move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2006): I think people have different capacities for forgiveness.
There are those that find it easier (but may be seen as others as weak/gullable/nieve) and those who find it more difficult.
So you have forgiven your partner, but she can't forgive you? Forgiveness sometimes takes time - people have to go through the necessary emotional stages, one being anger. You can never forgive someone if you are still angry with them. Perhaps that is why she has been unable to forgive you?
If you love your partner (which I'm sure you do) can you give it more time and see if her feelings change?
With regards to religion, I'm not sure if suicide is unforgivable. Augustine, a Catholic theologian was perhaps the most influential to develop Christianity, he believed that suicide broke the sixth commandment (You shall not murder) and that it was unforgivable because confession of a sin must be made prior to departure of the world and this was not possible. There is lots of scripture to challenge this though. Augustine is responsible for a tremendous amount of doctrines and ideas that have contaminated Christianity, the truth though can be found in new testament scripture.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question The situation at hand is I forgave my partner for her indiscretions yet I'm left not being forgiven for mine. No matter what the mistake is there one so bad that it doesn't lobby for forgiveness. As most organized religions believe that sin is sin, the only sin is the unforgivable sin in taking your own life. So with that said is there an unforgivable mistake. One that is so bad that it can't be forgiven. This is more philisophical than it is situational and I was trying to find all point of views without the hinderance of peoples bias view due to their own feelings about certain things because what they went thru. I just want an answer based on a level of intelligence and not shear emotion. I hope that makes sense.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2006): I think you need to be less vague and cryptic about the situation. Talking about some idealised form of love is all well and good, but people need specifics to give advice.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question I can understand what you all are saying and I also agree BUT can it not be possible that the mistakes themselves and the loss of that love let you know how deep and real it is even if it is not retained or recipricated. Is it true that you never miss your water until your well runs dry?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2006): Forgiving all in a relationship will outrightly lead to an abusive relationship. One in which the partner is bound to be trampled on. Some women stay in marriages despite the fact that they are being abused physically. Sometimes it leads to their death. Others stay put and keep forgiving a wife or husband who is unfaithful leading to ill health from all sorts of STD or AIDS.Is this worth it.If we are to talk about real love then it should be perfection between both parties and since such doesnt exist then it should be close to our realistic criterias in a normal relationship and such shouldnt lead to all these.They are certain things that we can forgive and others it is advisable not to.
True love doesnt mean getting hurt or risking your life for a partner who isnt worth it... How to know it is true love? if at all what one feel is true love then the love shouldnt lead to the unforgivable in the first place.Ones true love wouldnt want the other to get hurt and there are certain things he/she wouldnt do.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2006): Good question. What is this true love you speak of? Is not all love true? or are failed relationships a result of what can be later realised as false love? If there are different kinds of love, how can we distinguish between them?
I think it is possible to forgive any thing, yes. We are far from perfect, and we all make mistakes. Forgiveness is a thing a lot of people find difficult, betrayals of trust lead to resentment and people choose to end a relationship rather than forgive those they thought they loved.
If this true love you speak of exists, forgiveness is only one side that it brings. The other side comes from the other partner, for them they must bring renewed commitment to the one they wish to be with. The two sides must work equally, and together to resolve the hurt and pain, and so continue in to the future. It is said that two people who can work through a serious betrayal of trust, and really forgive, learn and move on, do become a stronger couple.
love will set yoooou freeeeeeee.......
...............................
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (5 July 2006):
 Hi,
Good question. from my personal understanding of real/true love it is something genuine and sincere. a true love is someone truly or really beloved, a sweetheart and a faithful lover.
It isnt real possible to have someone that meets our perfection in the real world they are bound to be problems and we have to compromise sometimes and be understanding towards the individuals we love to make it work. But they are boudaries we should set for ourselves in other to find the right partner and one closest to our idea of true love that we can possibly get. If not the relationship cant survive. You cant possibly assume that a partner who cheats and flirts on you is a case of true love.that is far from it.But we can forgive and tolerate certain aspects of our partners life and habits which is a different case. For example my boyfriend smokes and i dont like so we reach a compromise by him not smoking in the house.
So no i dont agree that true love means forgiving anything.Even if you try such it cant possibly work out because after a while when your partner senses that he or she is bound to want to take advantage of that and believe me that relationship cant possibly last.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (5 July 2006):
 In the biz this is what they call a 'loaded' question. Of course in an ideal world love would be forgiving of anything but back in the real world there are somethings that can't be forgiven and to be honest this is as it should be.
I suspect you feel somebody has 'upped and run' with you but whether they were right or wrong to do so is a moot point since nobody knows the story. Also you have to expect that people each have there own individual limits so what some people may tolerate others won't. There is no right or wrong in that sense just how people feel.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2006): If its true love and not fake puppy love then you can forgive your lover for almost anything and you can be there for each other through thick and thin but there are some things that no matter how in love you are that you cannot forgive for instance say ( heaven forbid ) that your gal had an affair with a guy and had his kid whilst being with you that is something you would probably have a very very hard time forgiving if you forgave that at all. but i hope that never happens to you. but if it is true love you should be able to trust eachother fully and know that you can be there for eachother no matter what. i hope that helped. xxx
...............................
|
