A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Does suppressing your feelings after a breakup really work? My ex of two years and I split up a few weeks back and since then, it has seemed she doesn't care at all. I seem to be the only one having a hard time. According to her, we are just coping differently. she just dove head first into her studies and has allowed herself only a few minutes per day to feel what she feels in relation to us, and then move on back to studying. According to her, she just doesn't have the time to hurt over it or she will fall behind. She says she's basically put her feelings on hold. I can't understand this. Does this technique of ignoring your feelings really work? I'm in a post graduate program, and I can't seem to do the same. This is really hurting me. I wish I could ignore my feelings but they keep resurfacing. For the first week, I ignored it and went about my day and getting done all I needed to get done. I didn't even think about us or missing her. But after about a week, it caught up to me and I started missing her and it took over. I just couldn't suppress it. So I guess my question is, does this suppressing of feelings really work? Will she just eventually forget all about me?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 October 2014):
 I don't think anyone really forgets their past 'lovers' Some can just deal with it better than others.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe's always had extreme issues with anxiety and she claims she is not physically capable of dealing with multiple stressors at once. If she did, her life would crumble and she would fall apart. This is true. I know her well enough to know this. She absolutely cannot handle stress. It collapses her. But for her to just set it aside and not even acknowledge it? Or even hurt over it? She says she just hasn't even really thought about it and has not really dealt with it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 October 2014):
 Sounds like she is better at compartmentalizing the you are. Some people are, some are not.
She might also have "left" the relationship (at least in her mind) a long while before the actual break up. So she has had more time to process it. And lastly, she CAN be fibbing because it makes her FEEL better to think she CAN get over it. Who knows it might hit her like a freight train come the holidays. You just never know. Each person work through issues in their own way.
I would suggest that if it HELPS you to NOT talk to her, then go that route. Find what works for you.
And I agree she will never forget you. And you will never totally forget her. She and you are part of each others past. That will never change.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 October 2014):
 I think some people can simply acknowledge they have bad feelings about something, and then get on with the day. They don't allow it to consume their thoughts.
If she was the one who broke up with you then it's likely she'd already started the process of mourning the end of the relationship and was moving on before you'd become aware of it.
Does suppressing feelings work? Probably not in the long term. Does acknowledging and accepting feelings yet getting on with the day work? Yes, it does for some.
She will never forget all about you. If you are fearful of being entirely forgotten then you are manufacturing bad thoughts and basically creating problems that don't exist.
She's mourning in her own way. I don't think it will be healthy for you to try to align your mourning pattern with hers, or to judge yours against hers or even to try to submerge your feelings because you believe that's what she's done.
If your grief at the end of this relationship is taking over your life then you may need some extra support from friends and family.
She will never forget all about you. You will never forget all about her.
But the relationship is now at an end and you need to pursue healthy ways of grieving it and letting it go. There are stages of grief at the end of a relationship just as there are stages of grief at learning of a terminal diagnosis or at the death of a loved one. Google those and you may learn you are entirely normal and in the midst of one of the phases.
Best wishes.
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