A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've known this guy for a long time through friends, and I've noticed he never, or rarely, says my name. In a group setting he always refers to me in a group as "she", rather than my name. He'll say things like "what is SHE doing?", "I think it's HER turn", like he won't look at me and say "Sally, do you want one?"I noticed it's very hard for him to say my name, but he'll mention other people freely. It's almost like he hesitates to say my name the odd time. Like he doesn't want to associate himself with me. I've been nothing but nice to this guy, always making him feel welcome, etc, so I don't know why someone would avoid you this way?If he has to introduce me to other friend's, he'll refer me as "And that is Dave's sister." or "That's his friend". When I'm standing right there, it's VERY weird to me...It makes me feel very disconnected to him, even though we've been friends with our group for several years...People like me, there's nothing annoying about me or anything to think he hates me? Any ideas? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 October 2014):
 Assuming the last post is from the OP, you say you are in a relationship? Then who cares if this guy speaks to you or not? Maybe he dislikes your boyfriend so much that he can't believe you are stupid enough to date the guy?
Look, we can only speculate on why. So can you. And what purpose does the speculation serve? Perhaps it feeds your ego, that this guy has a crush on you and is avoiding you because he can't stand being near you and not have you. Great, if that makes you feel better, go with that.
Do you really need that validation? If you think about it in that way, ask youreself why it is that you need that validation.
You sound resentful of his behavior, that it's rude somehow. Well, perhaps it is. What are you going to do about it? Confront him? I'm guessing not because you are here asking us what he could be thinking. "I just feel it isn't faire to me, to a nice person, if you have jealously issues, you need to grow up, put it aside and be polite."
Just because you are a nice person doesn't mean everyone you know will be nice and polite as well. Life is like that, sometimes we encounter people who aren't polite or warm or cordial.
Let it go.
Did you ask your boyfriend what he thinks? If not, why not?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2014): Let me add this to the mix, I find him staring at me a lot. He's VERY attentive when I'm talking. He acts shy and more quiet around me, when he's much more social with others. He can be very nice to me sometimes, he can be hot and cold, and I know he cares about me, how much, I don't know. I get a very jealous/bitter vibe from him sometimes. I am in a relationship, and he usually isn't. I know some people don't like other people for their own reasons, but if he doesn't like me because he is jealous somehow, that isn't my fault.Sometimes I feel like he forces himself to not like me, and not say my name exactly, because he doesn't want to be connected to me, maybe because he actually does like me a lot, but he can't be with me. I just feel it isn't faire to me, to a nice person, if you have jealously issues, you need to grow up, put it aside and be polite...
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (9 October 2014):
Are you sure he can remember your name? Maybe you should find a way to subtly let him know what it is.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 October 2014):
 I would assume he just doesn't like you.( If I were in that situation.) And here is the deal.
YOU may be a nice person, and people in general like you, and in general you don't annoy anyone, but this guy... you do. YOU (I'm sure) don't like EVERYONE you met either. AND that is OK. It's pretty normal, and it doesn't MEAN you did or said something wrong. This is just WHO he is.
In my group of friends in my teens and 20's there were a few people that just rubbed me the wrong way - mainly friends of friends who came and went, as well as a few GF's of the male friends. It happens.
BUT as Tisha mentioned there CAN be several reasons why. Since he isn't a FRIEND of your, but more of an acquaintance, I'd simply ignore it.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 October 2014):
 That is annoying, It's kind of like when my wife refers to me as "my husband" instead of my name. It's just a 'the way she was brung up' type thing but it doesn't fit in todays moras. It's akward and a little bit rude but I got used to it. Hope you can too. Good luck with that.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 October 2014):
Ideas:
He's shy or has social awkwardness
He has a mental block on your name
He's on the autism spectrum and has difficulty deciphering social cues
He doesn't want to associate himself with you because there is something about you that makes him uncomfortable or unwelcome or uneasy
You may think you make him feel welcome but he may interpret your hospitality as something else.
You say you feel very disconnected to him. Were you ever connected? I mean, beyond the being friends of friends thing?
I've discovered years later that people misinterpreted or misunderstood or assumed things about me that I didn't intend.
Don't take it personally and don't single this guy out for attention.
You could of course ask one of your mutual friends if she or he may have noticed anything amiss. But I would just let it slide. If you press on this, you may wind up making a socially awkward guy really uncomfortable.
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