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Why would he hide this friendship with this 21 year old?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 October 2014) 3 Answers - (Newest, 9 October 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 51-59, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend of 45 unbeknown to me has befriended his neighbours granddaughter of 21 as she has been helping out there with the grand parents who have been unwell. He works from home and she is next door helping every day as she is unemployed.

I had no idea she had been calling and texting and he says she asked him out for a drink. He said it started off all innocent and relating to his neighbours.

Today she rang him and this is how I found out about her. He said in front of me she had the wrong idea and that she knows he has a girlfriend. She text she was sorry and thought he was at home with kisses. Then he admitted she has been coming in for coffee on a few occasions. She's single. I took the phone and asked to speak to her and she hung up.

I don't think this adds up. Why continue this over the last few weeks and hide it from me. He has always preferred women his own age and said he was flattered but she's not his type even if he was single. Why would he continue this knowing what it would look like?

I want to trust him but he's friendly and outgoing and I'm worried this is a sign of things to come : (

View related questions: has a girlfriend, neighbour, text

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (9 October 2014):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntRare, indeed, is the 45-year-old guy who doesn't DREAM of having a hot, 21-year-old "on the side".......

You have a choice to make....

Good luck...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2014):

I just wanted to clarify she is not his employee and he works alone. She visits her grand parents next door to help look after them as she is not working and has time on her hands. Her parents both work.

I really appreciate the time you took to reply. You made some good valid points thank you.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (9 October 2014):

janniepeg agony auntHe would never date a 21 year old, but he is flattered and wants to keep that attention as she makes him feel good. This is disrespectful to you. As soon as she texted him kisses he should have cut her off. For a girlfriend he likes a woman close to his age but that doesn't mean he would forsake a thing on the side to stroke his ego. I don't think a man would admit to his girlfriend what he's really feeling.

A sign of things to come may not be full on cheating. It could be playful touching, sitting real close, staring, him looking at her cleavage all disguised as friendship. And then at night he masturbates thinking about her. The 21 year old needs money. To continue the ego stroking supply he might be tempted to give her some since for some reason she's not working. Maybe she wants to take over part of his business one day. He may feel guilty cutting her off because she is like an employee. Your relationship doesn't look good. I think a good boss will let her keep the job but stress that the outings and flirtings had got to stop. If he is not concerned about your feelings or play stupid then he is not your boyfriend. He shouldn't be keeping her if she continues to piss you off.

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