A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello! I have not been in many serious relationships, but I need advice.I have been dating a girl now for 4 months. I like her a lot and our relationship has moving quite nicely. I recently found out though that she still talks to an ex boyfriend that she dated for 3 years. I work all day and she is always at home with not much to do except a class here and there for school. I got jealous one day and started looking through her phone. I saw that they talked a few times over a week, but never for a long time. I couldn't look at her texts because she says her phone is crappy and doesn't hold many texts and that she has to constantly delete text messages so that she can get new ones. She also says that she saves a lot of my text messages so that she can look back and see the nice things I say to her even though they clog her text mailbox. Knowing that I never look through her phone anymore because I find it pointless if she is always deleting messages. She told me that they haven't hung out for six months, but I get the feeling she hangs out with him behind my back. He lives in the same town as she does. She is a sweet girl and I don't think she is cheating, but it makes me very uncomfortable that they still talk and it doesn't make sense to me why they need to continue there friendship. Dating someone for three years is a long time! Should I worry as much as I am, or am I just being an over jealous boyfriend? I feel if the tables were turned she wouldn't be too happy either. HELP!!! How do you handle this situation? I also feel like since I work all day, that there will be no way of telling that they are fucking around behind my back. I guess I am not good with this whole trust thing. Any feedback will help. Thanks!
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female
reader, crimson_kiss +, writes (23 April 2009):
 So glad to have helped...Best of luck to the both of you, sounds like you are well on your way to a mature and happy relationship!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your feedback, I have talked to her about it, and she said they aren't really friends, they just catch up. They don't hang out and I have nothing to worry about. I think I need to work on trusting her first before I make rash assumptions of what she is doing behind my back. If she is doing something wrong which I really don't think she is, then it will eventually reveal itself. But love is all about risking putting your heart out there and having trust that your partner is being loyal. You can't not trust them for no reason and then create irrational thoughts of what they could be doing or how they are constantly deceiving you. If it was someone else, I feel I wouldn't be able to continue, but my gf is really a great person who wouldn't purposely hurt anyone. Also, maybe she doesn't feel like she can tell me everything because how I have reacted to certain situations, and maybe she feels to much pressure to be perfect. I have re-analyzed the situation and feel that I have to give her the opportunity to be herself and maybe then she will start to be able to openly discuss some of the things she feels she can't currently talk to me about without feeling she is going to make me worried or jealous. I appreciate the feedback and it helps a lot to get it off my chest. It also makes me realize how much I have over analyzed the situation. Thanks again!
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A
female
reader, crimson_kiss +, writes (22 April 2009):
Let me tell you, cell phone texting is the cause for a lot of mistrust now days.
It doesn't sound like you trust her all that much. Not sure if I would be too happy myself hearing that my bf was still talking to an ex on a regular basis.
Maybe you need to sit and talk to your gf about this and why its making you so uncomfortable. I think she should be inviting you to go along if they are meeting and if you can't go, there is no way she should be going, its disrespectful to you. I would also find out what her attachment to this EX is. Do they share a child or something? The attachment does make a difference.
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