A
female
age
30-35,
*annielab
writes:A few days ago I wrote a thread asking for advice on what to do with my ex (who was still my bf but decided to break it off). Here's the link if anyone would like to read and know the whole situation: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/facebook-relationship-status-distant-boyfriend-post-break-up.html) In a nutshell, though: he was not showing enough interest in being with me anymore, he would hide me from his friends or another girl, I don't know. So I realized that he wasn't the guy for me anymore.I broke it off and he asked me for a second chance. I said no and I explained myself via FB inbox. He told me he would wait for me and change so that we would both me happy. I replied saying how he made me feel before the break-up, etc and I guess he took this as 'let's give it another chance' or something.Thing is, I didn't hear from him the next day and at night he casually called me and told me he would come over and we would watch a movie. He picked me up and everything and he acted like things were ok. (I know it was stupid of me to agree to go out with him but love is blind, I guess. I really thought that having him know how I felt he would perhaps make some changes). He is 20 and I am 16, going on 17 soon (I think this is an important fact as he should be caring of me if I am this young.)So, we were fine. We even kissed and everything. (Stupid of me, I know!). And suddenly his mother entered the tv room and started telling me that I shouldn't break up with him just because he is at school and doesn't have time for me. My reply to this was 'Diego knows that's not the reason I ended things yesterday'. I didn't want to get into a fight with her but I did feel like I had to defend myself. After that I started feeling and anger taking over me and I told him that if he's going to tell people we broke up, that's fine, but that he should tell them what really happened. He said he had not told anybody and I said, 'Ok, I belive you, but I just want you to know the reasons' and he asked me if the break-up was still on. I said, yeah, but I am willing to give you another chance if you change. He started yelling stuff like 'I am offering you a change but you are making a big deal out of my mom telling you those things, I am sick of your bullshit and the trouble you bring to this relationship out of nowhere!'It was 1 am by then. I put my shoes on and told him, "you know what? This has nothing to do with your mother, this is about you not caring enough about how I feel" and I left. I walked all the way to my house because my phone doesn't work and I had not a single penny to take a cab. He didn't care about this at all, I could've gotten raped or something, the city I live in is extremely dangerous (Mexico City).The next day he inboxed me saying how sorry he was he had talked to me that way and that he hoped I was feeling better. I was still so infuriated that my reply to that was 'I don't want anything to do with you anymore'. He told me he understood why I was angry and that he was really sorry about what had happened.I told him what angered me the most was not the way he had talked to me, but how he let me go walking all the way to my house (He knew I had no money or phone).He said he felt really guilty about that and blah, blah, blah. I said "you should at least come over and apologize in person, not via inbox, maybe if you had done that I would think your 'I'm sorry' is genuine."He said he did plan on coming but that he wanted to know first if he had a chance of me forgiving him. I asked him to to come. About half an hour later he told me he had left a gift outside my house. He left me roses and a little note saying he was sorry, that he hoped I could forgive him because the good moments always outlive the bad ones, that he loved being with me and that whenever I wanted to talk I just had to call him". I thanked him and told him the flowers were beautiful. He replied saying he loved me and he would prove he loved me. I guess I was hoping he would do a bit of effort to get me back. This all happened around 4am.Now it's almost midnight and his sister messaged me saying that he needed to get in touch with him urgently because he had no one to pick her up at her bf's. I said I'd call him (I guess subconsciously I also wanted to know where he was). So I called and he didn't answer, five minutes later he called me and I could hear distant voices. I asked him where he was and he said he was at a club.I mean, arghhh. I think that if someone gives you a third fucking chance in a margin of 3 days they should at least take it. Do you guys think this proves he isn't really interested in getting back with me or proving anything or am I just being immature?
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female
reader, dannielab +, writes (13 September 2011):
dannielab is verified as being by the original poster of the question You are right. Actually, he didn't use to be into clubbing at all! He used to tell me he absolutely hated people who went clubbing! He used to not drink at all or go to parties, and if he did go, we'd go together. Now I'm never even invited to the parties he goes to. And the other day I asked him what was up with him wanting to go out with his friends all the time (I don't mind him going out with his friends every now and again, but I do mind the places he has been going to lately), I told him he is being a completely different person now! He told me he always liked clubbing and he was lying when he said he didn't before. What the hell? Now I feel like this relationship was all a big lie :'( But at the same time it's kind of a good thing to help me let go of him because what was keeping me there was the fact that I thought that maybe things would be as great as they were before (if you read the other thread you'll understand what I mean by this), and now I've realized things were never what I thought they were anyway.Thanks a lot! :)
A
female
reader, dannielab +, writes (11 September 2011):
dannielab is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a bunch, Anastasia! You are absolutely right. I actually woke up with a gut feeling in my stomach and I thought 'maybe I shouldn't have gotten mad at him for going out partying' and thinking maybe I'd call him. I actually have a tendency to feel guilty every time we argue and I don't really know why this happens :(Your reply really did make me realize this is not my fault and gave me the courage to not call him.Last night I cut contact with him - I blocked him from Facebook, Skype, IM, etc. I guess he can still call me or come over to apologize yet again, but if that happens I will not answer the phone and if he comes I'll ask my parents to tell him I'm not home or something. Thank you so much!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2011): I don't think there's any hope for you two I'm afraid as he is far too immature!And his mother? Don't even get me started! She should never have even spoken to you about this break up!Don't let anybody say your immature because you sound very grown up and very sensible for your age- at 16 what do people expect?! Anyway back to the point, I would block this 'boyfriend' of yours from facebook as he only seems interested in his friends! And to be fair he is into 'clubbing' meaning the possibility of girls flirting and throwing themselves at him? You are in a completly differant place to him in life. If you were both in your late 20's/30's then maybe as you'll both be adults but not at 16 and 20. He is taking advantage of you knowing all he has to do is tell you what you want to hear and you will welcome him back with open arms.If he was serious about being with you, he wouldn't have moaned to mummy and he certianly wouldn't be out at a club. He would be round your place on his hands and knees.
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A
female
reader, dannielab +, writes (11 September 2011):
dannielab is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys! I made some mistakes while writing which might make it difficult to understand the situation: I wrote that he said he would come over, but I forgot to clarify that he would come over to pick me up and take me to his house (otherwise the whole mom-defending-him thing does not make much sense lol)
There is also a part where I wrote 'I asked him to to come', what I meant was 'I asked him NOT to come'
Oh, and I wrote about the whole club thing because I honestly think he should've stayed home instead of going out partying the same day he asked me for a third chance...
Sorry I wasn't clear enough, it was late and I was angry and typing like a maniac hahaha.
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (11 September 2011):
 Hi,
I am just amazed you allow this guy to think you are some sort of raffle or something. How many times does he need to screw up before you actually walk away from this with your sanity.
First of all, anything between a bf or gf should remain there, no mother or sister or pet frog should be putting in their two cents, because it does not affect them in any way. That was disrespectful of his mother....and to be honest...we see where his attitude and disrespect of you comes from.
Secondly, value yourself. Get yourself out of contact with this guy, he has the potential to make your life hell. He seems quite volatile if you don't do his bidding and seems prone to tantrums. He isn't ready for a relationship. You actually seem more mature than him.
So my advice, move on...quickly and far and cut all ties. If it's over, it's over...it will hurt, you will cry, you will want to see him ...but just remember that he does not deserve you...and you certainly don't deserve to be treated in this manner.
Blessings
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