A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello im a 36 year old female in a long distance relationship. i really love him and he says he loves me too but, lately i have had some strange feelings. we use to talk every day now we really dont. he use to call me two and three times a day now, im lucky if i get a text. he was suppose to relocate to where i am but hes trying to work out some money issues and i can understand that. i just dont get the calls or the sweet nothings like i use to. i feel like im waiting for him for nothing, i dont think he is as serious about me as i am about him. i use to could count on him to call me, now if he calls, we might talk a little then he might say ill call you back and he wont!!!! im thinking hes losing interest and doesnt want the relationship but dont have the heart to tell me.i just tried to call him its 624pm and his phone is going straight to voicemail. am i crazy for trying to hold on to this relationship of 8 months? we really shared some great times..right now i feel hurt and counfused help!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 February 2014):
 Oh dear… I did LDR with a guy I met in person first. That’s hard too. I assume you have NOT met this man and spent time with him IRL (please correct me if I’m wrong).
IF you have NEVER met face to face, then it’s in your best interest to accept it’s over and walk away. ANY LDR that starts ONLINE and does not have a FACE TO FACE meeting within the first few months (for adults on the same continent) is just a FAUX relationship that enables one or both of the parties to avoid real life.
You say LDR.. that could be 100 miles or 1000 miles. Both suck. I did an LDR for a year we were about 100 miles apart and there were times that seemed OVERWHELMINGLY far. Thankfully by the time we knew it was getting serious we were already doing alternating weekends together… and then we just progressed to 3 nights a week most weeks… WE planned to be LDR for 2 years. We made it a year. Then he could not bear it and he gave up his home, his job, his entire life and moved to be with me and married me less than a year later.
LDRS are only good if the GOAL of them is to be NOT LDR. The issue here OP is “he was suppose to relocate to where i am but hes trying to work out some money issues” What exactly does this mean? Because “money issues” could mean a million things. ONE THING LDRs need is MONEY. Even if I was driving to see my guy it still cost me about $20 in tolls and then $60 in gas EVERY time I did a round trip. We spent over $100 per week on commuting alone… And moving.. he had to break a lease and take a hit..
You say your guy “planned to relocate” well PLANS mean he’s given notice at his apartment or his house is for sale or rent….. just saying “yeah baby I’m coming to move to you soon” is not a plan to relocate… JOB hunting is a plan to relocate. So look at his actual PLAN and see if it’s concrete or just words to placate you.
HAVE YOU MET FACE TO FACE? IF not, why not? IF money…well then that’s part of the issue.. there is just not enough money to sustain an LDR….
My now hubby had no house phone.. just a cell. IF I called him and he did not answer I left a message and tried not to panic. It often happened around dinner time. Now that I have lived with him a few years I see that often he gets home from work and he falls asleep on the couch… the house phone ringing does not even wake him.
The key is you know something is wrong. You feel it… for a reason.
If you have had 8 months and never met… let it go. If you have met give us more info.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (12 February 2014):
 no, of course you're not crazy. when you start to feel a loved one grow distant, it hurts. that's completely normal.
have you expressed this issue to him before? i always maintain that communication is huge and a crucial part of any relationship. in a healthy relationship, you should ideally always be able to tell your partner how you feel and they should listen and take your feelings into consideration. if you haven't communicated with him about this, do you think you could try? how do you think he would respond?
if you have, and he is still continuing on this way, i would suggest giving it one last chance. let him know that you're not getting what you need from him emotionally, considering you're long distance, and you really need a change. and if he can't change or doesn't wish to change, you need to know this so you don't continue on and waste either or your time if he's not fully invested. really let him know you mean it. and if he says he wants to make things work, great! give him one last chance to change his behavior. if he still doesn't after this talk, i would break up with him. life is too short.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (12 February 2014):
 Most likely lost interest is a good assumption. I wouldnt do long distance to much either. To me its no point to long distance. I know to maybe it was some communication issues that wasn't worked out. I know I found out some info about a long distance person and it wasnt part of what I signed up for so I ended it. Its easy to move on cause your not able to see this person so there is no connections really no feelings. Only things is words and passion or emotions. If you never meet him or been around him he could be with someone else. It could to mean he just not interested in relations with anybody but his self for whatever reason. Im on that type of journey now cause Im not ready for relationships. I not just all about the sex either but into self love and sorting my issues goals and self out. I am no good right now for a good strong relationship especially with deceit drama lies soul draining all kind of issues Im not willing to tolerate. Im sure to nobody wants to deal with my lack to be committed and focus on them. I have been caring and providing for others now I need time to do it for myself first this time.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (12 February 2014):
LDR's suck, so yeah he's losing interest. It's hard to maintain things when there's not a physical presence. Tell him that unless he gets a solid plan to come to you then you're done. Because YES you're certainly wasting your time right now.
FYI he may be losing interest, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to date you, it's just that LDR's have a short life span because they can get lonely and boring.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (12 February 2014):
 One of our aunts advised another woman in a similar situation to get a friend to call him from a number he won't recognize and see if he answers. This friend shouldn't engage him in conversation. Just pretend it's the wrong number and hang up. I would think that would be proof positive.
Otherwise, I'd have to agree with your assessment. My guess he's in a relationship, hence the money issues. He can't leave her without it costing him. Does he have kids?
Eight months is a long time to commit yourself to a boyfriend you can't see or touch or go out on dates with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2014): How much time have you been able to spend with this guy in real life over the past 8 months? Has it always been an LDR? How did you meet?
This information will help the aunts on here answer your question more fully without having to make assumptions.
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