A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Does this married man, 26 years my senior, like me for more than sex?I'm 19 and have started an affair with a 45 year old man. His wife had been cheating on him for 2 years with his best friend before we even met and he stayed faithful to her for that time as he has two kids and didn't want to disrupt their life. He works two weeks on/off shifts so for half the month he lives with me (i'm his housemate)and the other half he's with his family 300 miles away. We always got on really well together and went to gigs, the cinema ect which he paid for. Then one day recently he kissed me out of the blue and we started having sex. This has been going on for a little while and I'm starting to wonder if I'm being used.He's universally known as a lovely guy by all who know him and I do believe he was driven to it through rejection as he really loved his wife. He said that although he wouldn't have made the move if his wife wasn't cheating on him, he did genuinely like me and it was just that he felt justified in being able to move things further due to his situation. We still go on dates and he has never pressured or asked for sex (though he did miss not having it for so long) and we chat for hours, but he doesn't want to make our relationship open where we live (his wife would never find out as it's so far away)as he thinks he may look like a bit of a pedophile.Should I be forgiving of his behaviour or am I being used, even if he doesn't consciously know it?Many thanks :)
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affair, best friend, married man, revenge Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): You are being used. End of story. I agree with CaringGuy 100%. I've known guys like this, and he fits it to a T.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 June 2010):
 Oh he knows it,he knows it, don't worry. How can he not know ? He won't leave his wife and family for you, he can't even give you a full time relationship, he can't even make you official in front of your friends in your town- he is not even aknowledging you ! It must have crossed his mind that he is taking way more than he is giving...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): so what is the fuss/ his wife is cheating and he is cheating with you. two cheaters in a marriage. Nice guy. Hun perhsp when you have more wisdom and maturity you will realise what Caring guy is saying.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do know for an absolute fact that his wife has been cheating for 2 years, I cant go into detail on why I know for certain but I do. She also said she doesn't love him any more. I just wanted to add this on as I think many people could have the same idea.
Thanks for your answers
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 June 2010):
Yes, you are being used. He has a bruised ego, and rather than either end his marriage and move on, or try to fix his marriage, he's going out with the 19 year old and having sex with her. Worse still, his wife never had an affair and he lied to you to get you into bed, which is another distinct possibility. He may had done this with others. After all, you don't really know much about him. His family live 300 miles away. His wife could be sat at home twiddling her thumbs in blissful ignorance of the facts. You may be right, he may not really know what he wants. But one thing's for sure. He's a married man, and you're having an affair with him. You don't know the truth, and by having an affair with a married man, you're just degrading yourself. Because a person who has an affair, or is party to an affair is always seen as someone who is untrustworthy. Stop it.
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