A
female
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*una~
writes:My boyfriend is British and I’m Chinese. We both live in Canada. We have been dating for 1.5 years and are very serious about each other. His parents love me and even want us to get married soon. On the other hand, my parents are cool (literally) about our relationship. My dad thinks we’re only dating and I shouldn’t be so close to him. It hurts me when my dad said “who knows if you guys will be together for long”. I admit my parents are very traditional. When I first introduced my bf to them, they were shocked that my bf isn’t Chinese. All they can think of is the stereotypical white couples’ divorce rate. My bf is very polite to my parents as my parents are polite to him too. When my bf comes over for the weekend (he lives 2 hrs drive away), he sleeps on the couch and I sleep in my room. This is all because my parents would not allow us to sleep together in front of them. I am very lucky my bf tries his best to understand and respect my parents’ weird values. He sometimes tell me he thinks it’s nonsense that my parents still expect him to sleep on the couch consider they probably realize we do sleep together. He thinks my parents don’t like him because he isn’t Chinese. He thinks my parents don’t think our relationship will be last long because they don’t want to have a son-in-law that’s not Chinese. Is this what happen to all inter-racial relationship? I don’t want my bf to hate my parents and my parents hate my bf.
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reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (11 April 2007):
 Continue to respect your parents' rules as long as you are living with them. That's essential. Sooner or later they are going to have to come to terms with the idea that their little girl is a woman on her own and has made a choice that is not the choice they would have made for her. Only the constancy of your relationship over time will ever change them.
Try to get your boyfriend to understand the importance of cohesion in your culture. He may not "get it" and may think that it's just that your parents have something against him personally.
Other than that, just continue with your relationship. Make your plans. If a wedding is in the works, try to accommodate both sets of parents as best you can.
I did have an interracial relationship (engagement to an African American woman, I'm Caucasian, but both were American and both from middle class families). She died before we could be married. But even in the time we had together we ran into some serious cultural differences in the way we saw things and in the acceptance of (some) friends and family. So yes, my guess is that all such relationships are accompanied by some discomforts.
If you do love one another, you'll stick together through these things and make it work. But be sure you mean it. Don't ever give her parents the opportunity to say "I told you so" to their daughter!
A
female
reader, PoSiOnKiSS  +, writes (11 April 2007):
 i can understand where your coming from, and were your parents are coming from. ive been brought up to think that its only right to date and marry a man of my own religion and culture. So you have to respect your parents beliefs as they will have been brought up (even stricter than i have) to believe in such ways. So what i suggest you so id invite both families out for a meal, doesnt matter were just as long as its cosy and can give both families a chance to get along and know one another. Once your parents get to see his background and how dedicated you two are in livnig together then they may change there views on things, but you cant rush these things, give them time to adjust to something new and it will work out, but you have to be patient. talk to your father (its usually the father that has the stronger pride in these matters) and tell him how you feel.
hope this helps, good luck! x
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