A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm in my first serious relationship (22 years old) with a man in his 30's. We met on a blind date which in a strange way was set up by his mother who I knew. We got on real well and got engaged recently.His Mum sometimes spoke about these two people - brother and sister who come up from down south for their holidys, have done for years. They're my fiances, friends grandchildren. Before my fiance used to take them fishing, his dad would sometimes go too, walking etc as he was single and they didn't really have anyone else to muck about with when they came up. I remeber his mum saying that he went down to meet them in a pub once - he was worrying that they would be underage - but they were already if full swing of things. This never bothered me at all. He's known them since they were younger and thought of it as an older brother type of relationship. It was only one time we went round to his mum and dads a few months ago and the granny was there. She was said to my fiance "Oh... Claire wants your mobile number" (her granddaughter). My fiance got a new phone a good 4 months before, he had her number, he hates mobiles so only gave the few people he wanted to give his number. He gave his number and the granny was boasting about everything this Claire had been doing, my fiance took an interest (he's a nice guy). She had done a sponsored walk so he sent a cheque down to her, for the charity but didn't openly tell me about this. Anyway, I sometimes see the granny and she's always saying that she wishes Claire had someone like my fiance etc. She did give us an engagement present and money too. My mum warned me about people who will be jealous of me and my fiance as we get on so well and are really loved up.This girl, claire, then sent a text to my fiance. We have an open relationship and he doesn't mind me looking at texts etc as doesn't think much about phones. I came across a text from her saying - congrats on your engagement. I'm coming up on blah, do you want to climb a munro? (that's a hill in Scotland). He replied to her saying, that would be cool, let me know more about it nearer the time type thing. I wasn't happy, the text was a week ago and he'd never mentioned it at all. I confronted him and he said he never told me as it was irrelevant, he wasn't going as he found that she was climbing three in one day and it wouldn't have been enjoyable and that I would be coming too. I wasn't happy but left it. He told me that he doesn't fancy her, if something was going to happen it would have happened long ago and not to worry. She text him again a few weeks later saying she was coming up with her bf to the west coast, was there anywhere they could go to fish. He was driving so I text back saying, hi it's Lisa, he's driving, get back to you. I just wanted to let her know that I knew. He text her back when we stopped in town and put from my name and him kiss kiss. She replied saying she couldnt wait to meet me. A week later she text him again saying things had changed, she was coming up alone and if me and him wanted to do something fun. Thankfully my fiance was going to work the next day - offshore - so we couldnt meet her. He said to me, "she must be the only one who has my number", he reassured me that he just knew them from coming up and he didnt fancy her in the slightest - too head strong etc (which I believe). I know he's not cheating. He said, I'll leave it to you to text her back. I didn't in the end in case I was nasty (they are all family friends). At night he told me he hadn't text her back yet, I didn't say anything. The next morning before he left my fiance said that he'd text her back saying that he was away, give her my number in case she wanted to get in touch with me and give her an invite to our engagement party (up here so she HOPEFULLY won't come). I didn't hear anything, apart from my fiance's mum went to visit her and she said "awww.... 2toms getting married" in a dead upset way. I said to her, is she annoyed, does she like him.... his mum was like "not in that way". So why is she texting him now as soon as she found out he was engaged? She's 25, not 15! Do you think I'm overreacting or what should I do. I've talked to him and said that I think she's got a crush but he just says why would she. I took her fishing last summer when both of us were single and nothing happened, she doesn't fancy me and I don't fancy her in the slightest although she's an alright girl. So..... any help would be very useful.Gemma
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (18 April 2009):
Sweetheart I'm sorry to tell you this but I think you are massively over reacting.
She started texting when he got engaged because THAT'S WHEN SHE GOT HIS NUMBER!
She's texted such scandalous things as "congratulations on your engagement" and "Can't wait to meet your fiancee!"
She also mentions her boyfriend in texts.
I really really can't see why you are getting so jealous and threatened by this girl simply because she sees your fiance as an unofficial uncle, enjoys his company, and texts him. You say you have an open relationship but does this mean he has to tell you about every single text he gets? Do you not have ANY trust?
The texts you describe sound like ones I would test every day. They have no history, they have nothing to suggest ANYTHING will ever happen.
The only problem this girl could possibly cause in your relationship is that she is giving your man a good chance to see your insecure, possessive and jealous side.
If you can't trust your man then don't be with him. But please don't be one of those women who bans their boyfriend from having female friends because all that does is make you look bad to him and his family.
Meet her and make friends with her. She's probably a lovely girl.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, Soph.p  +, writes (18 April 2009):
If she is headstrong then she sounds flirtatious. But she doesn't sound into him at all. At least not for a long term thing. She just sounds like an old friend who wants to catch up.
To me, she sounds like a person who felt that your fiancee meant a great deal when they were younger and the fact that they got on well, still, after last year then she may perhaps miss him. You should meet up with her, just you two and have a chat. Don't scare her away because if she got on well with your fiancee then you two will match up great, and ou could become really close friends.
I know I am young but I am in the old friend position and I know how she feels. If you want to talk or something just message me :)
Sophie
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