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female
,
anonymous
writes: There's a guy i've been talking to for almost 3 years and since the begining he attached himself to me and for some reason he constantly tells me he loves me. He also has very low self esteem. Last year we had a bad discussion and we left things on a bad note. We had no comunication for 3 months, then out of the blue, he calls telling me he wants me in his life no matter what. Now he has disappeared and I'm not sure why because the very last time we spoke we had a great convo and he repeadely told me he would call me the next day and i havent heard from him since. He has done stuff like this in the past but never for this long its been almost 2 months. What i wanna know is why did he come back around just to mess up ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2006): What are YOU getting out of this relationship exactly? If the answer is nothing, consider dropping this friend entirely. Otherwise, continue reading.
This guy appears to be very, very unstable. If this is the way he relates to people, he may indeed have low self-esteem, but on top of that he seems so wrapped up in his own problems that he doesn't care one whit what effect he's having on his friends. In such a case, you may tell him that if he wants to keep being friends with you, he needs to tone down these constant avowels of his true looooooove (which sound pretty insincere and cloying, especially if they started from day 1) and more importantly that he can't disappear for months at a time, especially if he said he was going to get in touch sooner.
Why does he do this? Because he's probably very unsure of where he stands in relationships. It looks like everything needs to be 100%, unconditional love or nothing at all. There are indeed some people who can't stand the uncertainty of a normal, healthy relationship.
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