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female
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anonymous
writes: I met a guy on a dating website who I went out with for 2 months he finished with me with the following message:-I've been thinking lots about us, and although i think you're a lovely girl, if i'm honest i'm just not feeling the same about you as you do about me. I have had some lovely evenings with you i'm really sorry i had to do this, but wouldnt be fair on either of us if we kept seeing each other.This guy has now got back in touch with me after 4 months of no contact asking me how I am and how things are on the dating front? I've responded to him telling him I'm not dating at the moment and he told me that he enjoys my company and it would be nice to stay as friends. Could you give me some advice I'm confused what do you think he wants a friendship or something more? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2006): Why do people automatically assume that the guy has other motives? No wonder why my male friends come back to me so much with such reversed comments!
I have told a girl who chased after me that it's better to stay as friends. About a year later around her birthday, I send her an e-card, etc. My 'motives' were, "Her bday is coming up, I'll send her an e-card." She told her friends that I sent her an e-card because I was lonely and wanted some booty. Uh, no.
[sighs]
You know Ms. Anonymous, he may be sincere, so try being friends with him. You don't have to give in to his horniness, if he indeed isn't sincere. You can say no. Just be careful. That's all you need to do. Everything else is up to you. He wants sex, and you want to? Fine, go for it. He wants sex, and you don't want to? Fine, reject him and go home. What's the big deal?!?!
He wants to be friends, wants to talk, wants to hang out, that's great! Do you want to? Answer your own questions!
People break up over emails not neccessarily because it's a cold thing they wanted to do. I had a friend break-up over email because he was living in Ottawa, and his then girlfriend in Taipei. Another friend in Richmond, and his then girlfriend in Shanghai. I have another in Vancouver and his gf in Delta - he didn't want to face the awkward, heart break of seeing her upset.
I understand. Not everyone is strong enough. Just because it may seem 'cold' to people who don't understand, doesn't mean it's supposed to be that way. You have to weigh in variables. Most of the posters comments here are based very generically. We're not robots. We're not just a number. Though we may not be unique enough from each other, we still have our own set of thought patterns, actions, and reactions.
Ms. Anon, you can accept his friendship, but be cautious. That's all I can say, and would say... 8]
A
male
reader, Uncle Aneurism +, writes (25 January 2006):
It sounds like this guy is currently dry on the dating scene and probably just wants to feel better about himself by having someone around him again.If he truly wanted to be friends, he would have offered it at the resolution of the relationship with you and also actively kept you in his life. Forget about him and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2006): I think you should email him back and find out what his "motives" are.
I guess it really depends on how you still feel about him really..but I sure would throw some "caution" to the wind with him. He was honest and upfront in the first email, but he should of told you face to face on how he felt. I would think that would of showed some maturity.
If you become friends again and it eventually leads to him wanting more, and you get involved with him again.. I might worry that he could "dear John" you again.
A good piece of advice is: Past behavior,usually represents future behavior!
Good Luck ;)
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A
female
reader, liveinabox +, writes (25 January 2006):
 Dear Anon,I don't know this guy or you but I think that he has more on his mind than just being friends. And you could end up getting hurt if you let yourself walk into anything with him again. I mean he only expressed an interest in staying "friends" after you said you weren't dating anyone. He broke up with you through email. That's cold. I don't think he is even worth friendship because he will think that it's ok to treat you with that little respect. Again.L
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