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male
,
anonymous
writes: I have started a new job at this company and have noticed this guy looking at me nearly everytime I pass his desk on the way to get a drink. As I am a repressed homosexual myself, I have nobody I can talk to about it. The other thing is I have this real strange feeling inside when we connect eyes that I ahve never felt before. Its like inside my stomach kind of like nerves or butterflies when we connect eyes and then a kind of lightning bolt hits me. We dont conncet eyes for a long period but the other day he smiled at me...well at least I think he did. I have not a clue of even his name or if he is gay! I keep thinking maybe he is staring at me because I'm looking in his direction but we both so totally make apoint of gauging each others eye contact. I don't beleive in love in first site but have had this feeling for over a week now and its starting todrive me crazy. The only therapy I get at the moment is listening to Alicia Key's "you don't know my name"!!! I wish I could just speak to somebody about it but my friends and family do not know if have these kind of feelings towards men, nor can I tell anybody at works as I do not wish to be spoke of in that way. Help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2006): You have to stop being repressed. Society likes gay people, but it likes being tactful and discreet. the stigma comes from people who are very lascivious and overbearing.If you can come out, you will be able to grow emotionally, not otherwise.Phone some gay helpline and go to gay forums and so on. you should ask questions on gay forums if you want to have opinions from people who know the area. I went on a gay forum and I'm pretty much straight just for fun-they are very cool. I think any self-respecting males should.Basically come out and learn to express yourself, the guy is probably broad-minded and has noted that you are getting butterflies. Learn to express yourself with gestures and smiles and not to act like a six-year-old girl. to do this you might have two specifically make an effort to act like a six-year-old girl so you know what you are feeling.You will eventually have to start going to gay hangouts within young gay people, so you can meet just men with money and well dressed . like this you will be able to express yourself and to understand who you are.At first pretend you are not openly gay, just curious and broad-minded , that is fine.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (25 January 2006):
 I don't pretend to know what this would be like from your situation, but if we summarise it in a more generic way -- eye contact at work from an attractive stranger -- I come up with: Say Hello!
Next time you see him checking you out, give him a small smile and a tilt of the head. Maybe say, "good morning". Don't be too overt with the attention, in case you might have misread his intentions.
The way he reacts to your recognition can give you a bit more insight into whether he's interested or just someone who stares into the middle distance a lot! :) If he looks away, or seems uncomfortable, then maybe it was misread. If, however, he smiles back, then you could be on the way to friendship, at least...
The next thing you need to do is to assess what you'd do if he were interested in you. As you say you're "repressed" (I'm not sure if you're denying what you know is there, or perhaps just still closeted and not ready for others to know), you need to consider what to do if this guy turns out to want to get to know you. What you decide is of course, up to you.
But since you work with him, you have to perfect opportunity to at least introduce yourself to him in a professional manner and see whether he still checks you out.
Be discreet, but friendly to him. Go on!
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