A
female
age
51-59,
*ulietxxx0
writes:I really need advice on whether you think that my ex-husband genuinely wants to try again or is just using me.We seperated a year ago and have not seen each other since, but he has kept in contact with my sister and I have had contact through text and e-mails to do with my daughter.About 6 months ago he sent e an e-mail saying that he missed me and wanted to meet me but it never happened as I could not cope with seeing him.Then, last week we had to attend court together to get the clean break order and saw each other for the first time in a year. He was very nervous and as soon as it was over he text me saying he had regrets and I agreed to meet up with him as I have never stopped loving him.The first time we met we discussed what had gone wrong and he told me that he had missed me. We just talked.The second time we again talked, but the third time I foolishly let him have sex with me. I am just so confused because he hasn't said that he wants to try again, but he is texting me daily morning, night and just chit chat and still wants me to carry on going round. I am just so scared of being hurt again but I don't want to ask him outright if he is looking at reconciliation in case it scares him off.Please advice me on the best way to get a reconciliation.
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female
reader, dorio  +, writes (5 November 2008):
think about your needs, was sex good for you? you didn't really mention the reasons for separation, but that is your business. stephen and i spent 17 years together, most of them happily, we divorced very much as friends. i just didn't feel the same love anymore. i felt the need to have a fling, got pregnant, (completely not planned), and we are still best friends. there were some bad times during his coming to grips with my "fling", but he always had our son in his life, and shortly after i realized that fucking around wasn't the life for me, we are still best friends, he takes care of both boys, and we have incredible sex whenever time allows !! he still has his apartment, but we around each other most of the time. the sex is wonderful, but the love is just that, "love". dorio
A
female
reader, julietxxx0 +, writes (25 October 2008):
julietxxx0 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your reply.
We have discussed why we split and he says that he walked out because he thought that was the only way out. We had a lot of pressures on with five kids and no money and what happened was that he pulled away from me and because I felt hurt, I started being snappy at him.
I just don't know whether to take it carefully as I am scared of going too far in expessing my feelings too quickly and pushing him away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2008): If you don't mind me asking, why'd you two split in the first place?
He clearly wants to work things out with you and I don't think he's simply trying to use you. You two have a child together and you two clearly love one another still.
If you feel like it can work, talk to him about it and try to make it happen.
Life is too short! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, julietxxx0 +, writes (24 October 2008):
julietxxx0 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so much for your advice. It just scares me that I may scare him off, but it makes sense.
I do know that he watched our wedding video last week and he has told me that he misses me so he may want a reconciliation :-) Just worried that he is as confused as me and don't want to push him away.
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A
female
reader, Mummy to be +, writes (24 October 2008):
 Hello! That is a tough one to call. On one hand i think any chance of a reconciliation with someone you love is a great thing but i would be very cautious and wary. If i were you i would find out as soon as possible what it is he is looking for. I know all too well from experience that meeting up and sleeping together could be all he is after, he may be lonely or just having hs cake and eating it too.
If you ask him outright then yes it may scare him off but if that's the case then he is not worth the bother as it shows that all he is after is a bit of fun. However, he may be looking for the same things as you and may want to give it another go but may have the same worries as you.
I think you need to establish this as soon as though otherwise your just going to go through the same heartbreak you did a year ago and all the effort you will have made trying to get over him will have just been a waste of time. I hope for your sake that he wants the same as you. Good luck, love mummy to be xx
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