A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:does sleeping in separate beds always lead to the end of a relationship? i ask because my fiance and i live together and i find it hard to sleep next to him due to his snoring. i've had important professional exams today, so for the last week, he's slept in the spare room to enable me to sleep and it's been great! i've missed being close to him, but getting into bed knowing i won't be woken by snoring makes me feel great. Now my exams are over for a while, he wants to re-join me at night, but having had a taste of a good night's sleep, i'm craving more! i've tried discussing this with him but the idea of sleeping apart, even as an occasional thing to give me a full night's sleep, upsets him and makes him feel rejected. For the last 2 yrs, i've laid next to him every night, getting woken up by his snoring, and sleeping on the floor/sofa myself. Now i feel it's his turn to compromise, but don't want him to feel rejected. What should i do? BTW rest of our relationship, including sex life, is great. Sleep is our one problem area. I've always been a light sleeper. Ear plugs and white noise and mindfulness exercises haven't helped me. He's seen a Dr who confirmed not apnoea, maybe needs to lose a little weight, but nothing else medically wrong regarding his snoring.Your advice on this situation is welcomed!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2013): Definitely not. And far less likely than lack of sleep over a long period of time.
Op me and fiancée sleep at opposite ends of a big bed as is. Neither of us can sleep comfortably if we're touching another person. After our kiss goodnight we're basically separate even if we are sleeping in the same bed.
Sure we may spoon for a little while beforehand or when we wake up in the morning, but you know what? We can do that before heading off to a separate bed or climb into bed which each other in the morning too and cuddle.
Op you can keep the intimate bedroom moments alive even if when it comes time to actually sleeping you need to be alone.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2013): I am in the same boat. I am a very light sleeper and I like my space in bed to be able to roll around.My husband is the opposite. He snores and likes to cuddle a lot. He likes the windows open to the point of having the room ice cold. He likes a night light on. What happened was I ended up awake all night long from the snoring and his cuddling did not allow my body to uncoil and stretch. I like a room dark, quiet and warm. We are totally opposite in our sleeping patterns.Also, I get severe leg cramps and have to adjust my legs throughout the night to get in the right position. I have trouble laying on my back and will choke at night and I have trouble breathing on one side of my nose and will get stuffed up if I don't sleep a certain way. As you can tell I have a host of physical problems.So, we are still in the same room, but in separate beds and I will sometimes sleep in the guest bedroom.I need my sleep in order to function properly. If I encounter lack of sleep it takes days for me to catch up.We love each other and he knows that sleep is essential and by no means am I rejecting him.It's all about compromise and it works for us.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 May 2013):
 I don't think it spells the end. My husband however does. He demands that we sleep in the same bed if we are under the same roof.
I have offered to go to the guest room as i am a restless sleeper and he says no.
He snores too but if I'm asleep it does not wake me...
If your fiance snores, he may need to have a sleep apnea work up as snoring is one of the main symptoms of sleep apnea and sleep apnea can be life threatening. IF he has sleep apnea he will be given a machine called a CPAP machine and then you will hear the noise of that all night long... but that from what i know becomes white noise to all as it's constant and the same all night long.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (24 May 2013):
 It is not uncommon at all for the partner of someone with a sleep problem, including snoriing, to sleep in separate rooms. It doesn't make you selfish. A good night sleep sets us up for the day. A bad night sleep and sleep deprivation can ruin it.
Encourage him to lose the extra weight he's carrying. Also see if it helps if he can avoid lying on his back, which makes snoring much worse. If he can lose that weight and/ or get in the habit of sleeping on his side/ stomach, you may not have a broken night sleep lying next to him. The ball's in his court.
Just make it clear that you are not rejecting him, but emphasise how vital it is for you to get a good night sleep.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (24 May 2013):
 Check this out
http://www.ehow.com/way_5287043_natural-ways-stop-snoring.html
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (24 May 2013):
Hi
My parents slept in separate beds for the later years of their 50+ year marriage, each had their own rooms. It suited them.
At your age though I would think it would make him feel rejected in some way. I totally get your problem though.
Has he tried everything to prevent his snoring? Maybe you should record him so he understands how loud and disruptive it is.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 May 2013):
 I'd have to say no, it does not . My parents slept in separate rooms for most of their long, and happy, marriage.
My father was not only a terrible snorer, but he also would talk loud in his sleep , and SING in his sleep , or even declame poetry .After a couple year or so of nightly performances, my mother admitted defeat and moved to another bedroom. For what I could see, and for what they said, this did not have an impact on the solidity or closeness of their relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2013): There are dental devices that you can place in the mouth which push the lower jaw forward to open the breathing passages and relax the back of the throat. I'm not sure of the cost and availability of these devices in your country; but his doctor should have recommended one.
Go to your pharmacy and ask what they have available to help open the soft palate to allow free breathing and reduce snoring. I understand that there are things that can be purchased over the counter.
Otherwise; get a tape recorder and record his snoring and let him hear what you hear. Then he will understand. Let the recorder play loud and for a long time; so he realizes how disturbing the noise of his snoring can be.
He should lose weight; or he will develop sleep apnea.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (24 May 2013):
 No, separate beds for sleeping is actually a lot more common thank you think! It's estimated by "The Internet" that about a quarter of couples go through periods of sleeping in separate beds at least occasionally due to differing work schedules, poor sleep quality due to snoring, or things as simple as conflicts about how to co-sleep. It certainly doesn't mean that you two are absolutely doomed, some couples find that sleeping separately literally saved their relationships because a couple that can't sleep peacefully ends up grumpy and fighting over EVERYTHING. That being said, co-sleeping can be really, really important to some couples, and if that's the case in your relationship, then you should really get together with him and go on a healthy calorie-restricted diet and exercise regimen in order to get him to lose enough weight to stop snoring. If it's that important to you both, then -make it that important-, and work -with him- instead of keeping 100% of the responsibility on him. If you do, he'll end up feeling alone, unsupported, and won't be as successful at losing weight.In short, if it doesn't really bother you two and it keeps you both well rested, it's not an issue that you should be worried about. If it DOES bother you two, then work together to resolve it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2013): This is matter of practicality and not one of love, feelings or rejection. It is hard to function the following day with no sleep or interrupted sleep. Maybe you guys can cuddle beforehand or take turns tucking each other in.
Everything else in the relationship is great. Why would he delve so deeply into something that is unrelated?
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