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Does she want me or my music?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 September 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 15 September 2010)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, *arrybaggs writes:

This girl, who happens to be an ex, is keen to join my band. But she missed our first rehearsal, saying there was no time specified and she couldn't make it as she'd made other plans.

I was annoyed at the time, but didn't bother too much as I decided it wasn't worth my effort to chase someone. But then she text the next few days asking silly questions or trying to chat. I was still a little annoyed with her so didn't answer.

Eventually I did answer her texts - she sent one saying she wanted to come along. I told her I did too but she previously no-showed! She then sent an email apologising, saying she has uni resits, is having sleeping problems and she is dumb because she has to do resits and will come to rehearsal when she can. This went on and on until I stopped replying to her at all, months after we originally agreed to play music again. I thought obviously wasn't important to her. I forgot about her out of anger and moved on. Yet last week she got me and said she was interested in playing, but I hadn't given her a chance as I wouldn't reply to her.

I've agreed to let her come to practice this weekend but whether she shows or not is another thing. Aside to this, between times she's asked things about apartment sharing and how much it costs, her being unwell or asking what I've been up to. Is she wanting ne back, trying to keep tabs on me or is she just interested in playing music again?

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (15 September 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntOh you musicians are trouble, I was in love with a bass player for 2 years until he finally broke my heart. Always breaking a girl's heart..

Anyways, I get no indication that she wants you back or is trying to keep tabs on you. It seems she wants to play music again but at her leisure. She lacks the commitment, motivation, and self discipline to do so. I wouldn't let her play in your band, she's unreliable.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010):

By the sound of what you have said this girl seems to be still a little intrested in you and the music, she might even be thinking about joining the band so she can be with you more. As you have said she didn't turn up the last couple of times and I don't know her to say she will or will not turn up this weekend.

If she turns up and starts asking you more questions about your personal life then it might be that she just wants to be friends because she misses the connextion that use to be there and obviously isn't anymore.

But you might find that once she does turn up, she just wants to be in it for the music and doesn't want to have a weird thing between you so she is trying to be friendly.

hope it all gose well for you though

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