A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, got a small problem. I have never been in a relationship, but I am getting close to one of my good friends. I make it my policy to tell her everything that I do, be it seeing my other female friends or things i have done in my day.However I recently kept two things from her if I am strict to that lettering. I applied to a job without telling her, which I was successful in getting, I told her after I got it, I was feeling a bit low constantly applying and getting rejected, so I never wanted any bad karma with this one, but she was the first one I told.Second, she knew i was helping a friend move to a new flat, however things never worked out a few days ago so i offered she come stay for mine whilst we look together, which she has found one and will move to a new place next week. Thing is i told my close friend within hours of doing these two things, not as they were happenings, she did say 'it was a bit to digest at once', because we are normally very open to each other. I could have easily made lies to make things fit in, but i decided to tell her the truth, because i want to be 100% open with her, although it is bad i know i kept quiet. i haven't kept anything from her before, hence why i told her, i couldn't live with myself if i never.ladies/gents, what do you think? what do you think she is feeling, that i am not sincere? can she trust me? what would you do if you were her,and what can i do to remedy things?thanks all for reading and commenting. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your input! We spoke about it, and the truth is she was having a really bad week, and this was a culmination of bad things happening to her all week and past experiences repeating themselves. Communication is always key.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 March 2011):
 I don't see why you need to report everything you do, and what she has to " digest ", you are not even dating, you are just friends !
I agree that open commmunication is important in friendships, which won't work if you are secretive or unnecessarily tight lipped - but, then again a friend does not really need to know, say, how much you have got in your bank account or when you masturbated last time !
Well, of course a job search is not such a private issue... and then again you don't have any moral obligation to tell her about it in the very moment it's happening, that's just weird !, - a few hours , or even days later is perfectly fine.
Unless you are dealing with an extremely insecure person that, to feel good, needs to be in control of everything and have a tight grip on all the people in her life ...
It sounds this is the case with your friend...are you really sure you want to get much closer to her ?....
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A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (3 March 2011):
 Honestly, I don't see why you need to tell her about literally everything you do. It's nice to have an open and honest friendship with someone, but I think this is going a bit far. There's no reason why you should feel guilty for not telling her about two incidents that were innocent in the first place and not really any of her business, anyway.
I apologize if this sounds harsh, but you really need to grow a backbone with this girl. You shouldn't have to report to her whenever you do something or even just talk to someone. She's not even your girlfriend, you don't owe her any explanations. By allowing this behavior to continue, you're teaching her to treat you like she's got you on a leash. Is that really what you want?
From what you've said, it sounds like she either has some trust issues or is the type of person that only feels secure in herself when she's controlling someone else. Finding out you got a job and helped out a friend is really not 'a lot to digest', as she says. If anything, she should be happy for you and glad to know someone kind enough to help out a friend in need. I personally see nothing wrong with what you did, don't let her guilt you into thinking you've done something wrong. Do you really want to be in a relationship with a person like this?
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