A
male
age
36-40,
*kjay85
writes:Just a quick question? Me and my partner are due to be getting married in october this year not a big expencive one but one we can offord we have put deposits down for most things but now all of a sudden shes saying we cant offord the wedding so i asked her do you still wanna get married and she said she might wait till next year to get married cuz she thinks we cant offord it but i know we can offord it. She has started coming home from work talking about other men could she be falling for one of these guys? She does talk to these guys and she works in a pub.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 February 2017):
 It does sound like she is not ready to get married. She is making excuses which is not normal. If a woman wants to get married then she will be excited about it she will not be wanting to put it back a year. Now there may not be anyone involved she might just be a bit scared. You both need to sit down and talk about this, if she cannot be honest with you then maybe you both need to do a pre-marriage course and counselling to see where you both stand.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 February 2017):
 It sounds like she has cold feet and isn't sure of what she wants.
I think, if she wants to cancel the wedding, you need to sit her down and have a good talk with her. If she's not happy and excited about marrying you now, then why would she be next year? That's just stalling and waiting for a time to end things with you. It sounds like she wants to break up, to be honest, but is scared of doing it. So she uses the excuse that you can not afford it. But if you KNOW you can afford it, then you know that it is just an excuse.
Unless, she has some debt that you do not know about. Ask about why she says you can not afford to have a wedding this October, and go through the finances with her. It could be she is just super nervous about spending so much money also, if she's had a difficult time with money in her life.
But if it was me, and I had a wedding planned, and my partner tried to push the plans away because of some stupid excuse that I knew didn't hold any truth to it.. I'd probably break it off. If a partner isn't super excited to get married to me, and wants it from the bottom of their hearts and mind, then I don't want to be married to them. I wouldn't want to marry anyone if their heart wasn't in it, as if it was just something they did because they felt they had to. Life is more than just getting married....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 February 2017):
 Sit her down. Tell her you two need to decide NOW if you are to postpone, not marry or go ahead. There might still be 7 months til the original wedding plans BUT if she is not excited about it, but already has cold feet I don't think that will change.
I'd also suggest you make a budget so you can SHOW her in numbers that you can make it. (in case she brings up that reason)
Do it now so you might be able to get SOME of your money back.
And I'd want to get to the truth here if you don't think it's the costs that are holding her back, what is? (and no it's not other men - it might be that she doesn't see you and her long term - and if she doesn't DO NOT marry).
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (20 February 2017):
 Try pre-marriage counselling asap, so you can work out what is holding her back.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (20 February 2017):
Whether there is another guy isn't important. When the girl starts talking about delaying the wedding that you have already put deposits down on the relationship is in trouble. Sit down and have an honest talk with her if she's not ready she's not ready and may never be. Find out now maybe there is time to recover your money.
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