A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Theres this girl that I am real good friends with and I honestly love her and am willing to do anything for her. The reason I am righting this is because she has a boyfriend that she says she loves more than anything in the world, but every time I talk to her she is always saying how bad of a boyfriend he is an all this. Me and her hang out a lot an she always tells me that i treat her better then he does and were gonna go out someday but she wont break up with him because she wants there relationship to work. I have already tried not talking to her and moving on but she finds a way to talk to me. Like 3 girls have already tried to go with me since ive loved her and i dont want to go with no1 but her. What should I do because ive never had these problems before i usually just move on but it hurts me in my gut when i think about movin on from her. I mean everyday i feel like there closer to breaking up but they still dont i mean 1 time he broke up with her because he didnt see her for 18 days but they got back 2gether bcuz she wants me but doesnt want to be with me as much even tho he treats her like dirt ...... im clueless on wat to do because everygirl says id b a perfect bf to whoever id go wit an even her lil sis who im cool wit says she wishes i was daiting her sister...sorry this is so long but i need good advice on wat to do and moving on is def. not a option
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): I feel your pain I'm in a similar spot with this guy but I've been doing it for 8 years. My advice is to be honest and open with her and tell her exactly how you feel and what you want (to be with her), then whatever she says you have to just accept it and move on, you can't make someone love you but you could spend your entire life missing opportunities hoping that person will notice you one day. If she decides she can't be with you then you have to move on, I know it's painful but trust me it's much better than spending years feeling this way and NEVER getting anywhere and only having your feelings get stronger. Continue on with your life, date other girls, have fun and focus on other things besides her. If it's meant to be it will all work out in the end. It's very likely that she sees you as her back up boyfriend because she knows you'll always be there so she's going to go out with this other guy until she's sick of him and then if another guy doesn't come along she might go out with you. You deserve better, I know it's hard and painful but you deserve to be with someone who puts you first and really appreciates you, not someone who uses you when her boyfriend is being a jerk. Maybe if she sees you out with other girls and having fun and not waiting for her it will open her eyes tot he fact that she might lose you, but either way you deserve to be out living your life and having fun and not alone and hurt while she is with this other guy.
Good Luck
A
male
reader, Flying Horse  +, writes (15 December 2009):
Perhaps she stays with this guy because he's hard to please and so she's trying to keep him in order to prove her attractiveness.
Another way to put it is that the guy tears down her self esteem by acting like a jerk, and she's trying to build it back up by maintaining the relationship. Low self esteem behavior. But at least she's not a cheat.
I'm not recommending displaying jerk behavior though. How confident is this boyfriend? Be just as confident or more confident, without faking it. Talk with other girls too. Don't chase her (the boyfriend doesn't).
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