A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm a married professional man and have befriended a younger woman at work. She has just got over some mild depression, which I may have helped a little with supportive chats and some confidence building (positive comments and so on). We talk quite openly and easily. She sometimes blurts out that she hasn't had sex for 5 years, since her marriage broke down, which I believe is true. If I reply a little indirectly that I find her attractive or find her sexy, she retorts very quickly with comments like "that's not going to happen" or similar. I recently visited her at home for the first time to help her around the house, and it was an enjoyable day - I avoided talking about anything intimate and just kept the chat light-hearted. We laughed and joked all day. Any touching was incidental. I had the opportunity (I think) to give her a hug at the end, but didn't - I didn't want to break any trust. I regret not doing that - I think she would have been receptive. Today she talked about someone married she used to know (not intimately) calling on her out of the blue and talking about "swinging" - she didn't seem phased by this, and almost sounded interested. So, the question is am I missing something or does this apparent desperation to have sex omit me entirely? Is it the work issue, or does she only see me as a friend? Or does she just not fancy me? Could be all of the above I suppose. I want to "make love" to her, not have her having a quick shag from this other person. I doubt her emotions would cope too well.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2009): OK - I think both of the answers missed my point (possibly my fault) and also some of my comments. I wasn't after a lesson on morality either... but thanks for your time anyway.
For the record, I have been happily married for 25 years and did not enter this with any intent. And neither have I experienced this before. Which is why I asked for opinion - I'm a little confused. Walking most work days (originally for exercise) with someone isn't a crime. I didn't initiate this either.
A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (29 September 2009):
 Perhaps I've misunderstood your point, but it sounds as though you think that she is fair game being as she has been suffering mild depression, and is obviously very lonely. May I ask, where does your wife figure in all this, or does she not figure at all? It doesn't sound as though you think too much about other people's feelings or how your actions will affect them. Maybe you should address your marriage problems, (and you DO have marriage problems if you think sneaking around behind your wifes back is acceptable behaviour), before you try to insinuate yourself in the affections of a woman who's having personal problems. You don't think her emotions would cope too well with a 'quick shag', but you think it's OK to get emotionally involved with her when you're married? Have you thought about the repercussions on her personal life, AND her job because she works with you? Wake up to yourself! If you must sleaze around behind your wife's back, at least find a hooker and pay for your entertainment instead of preying on a vulnerable woman.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): Thanks, but I don't talk intimately with this woman. My marriage is 25 years now and is good. This is a distraction.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): Maybe it's the fact that you are married? Why get married if you are going to show interest in other women? Either get a divorce and start seeing a woman interested in alternative relationships OR be faithful and respectful of your marriage and stop talking so intimately with this woman and any other woman you are tempted to sleep with.
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