A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am now seeing this guy whom i have been talking to for while on the internet.I tried not to have sex with on the first date as I have been told that he will dump me and a relationship will not happen if you sleep with them straight away.I asked him if this would happen and he said that he has driven a long way to see me and was upset that I thought he would dump me after having sex with him on the first date.He said that we were old enough to know whats happening and we are not teenagers.I have found that to be the case will men over the age of 45yrs
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe did have sex on the first date and we are having a great relationship.Thank you to all that helped
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2011): I've had more than one year-long relationship begin with sex on the first date. Maybe not advisable, but if the chemistry is there, may as well find out sooner rather than later if you are compatible in the bedroom :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2011): Interesting question as I met a guy a fair while ago on line, had spoken to him loads on the phone, we just clicked on the date and sex on the first date did happen - it felt right, was amazing and were still together.
I think it's a case of how you feel, I've spent time going on dates and then when sex did happen - they disappeared apart from the odd Booty text.
Go with the flow, trust your head and your heart - go for it, when and only when it feels right for you.
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male
reader, soon567  +, writes (9 September 2011):
Sometimes at our age and been so long without it its best to do it and get it over with. At you guys ages thaen i doubt it would be the case. So have sex then get to know him.
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female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (9 September 2011):
 He's right that you are not teenagers. Teens are more prone to have sex right away and the guy (usually) dumps the girl immediately after. But I would still be wary about having sex with him so quickly. Get a chance to get to know him. Men always think about sex, so to have sex with him on the first date, that means he doesn't have to work very hard to get what he wants. Some men also don't really like women who want sex on the first date because then they are viewed as "easy." You're bound to have a broken heart if you have sex with him early on. Take it slow and enjoy his company.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): I met my boyfriend online and he's in his late forties. He waited almost 3 months and we were exclusive before we slept together. It's really a no brainer and will rid you of the men who are going to dump you later. A couple of my boyfriend's friends are trying to find someone online so I get to hear all the stories about these women who put out early. They end up pushing for a commitment out of insecurity and don't realize why it will never happen! Don't be dumb by giving it up right away and regretting it later with another failed relationship under your belt. Carry yourself with respect and don't put yourself and him in a position where you'd be leading him on like spending the night with him. Only go there if you plan to go all the way. If he doesn't respect that then you don't want him.
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (8 September 2011):
 Seems as if you already had a good idea as to the answer to your question before posting it to us.
Anyway, why be in such a hurry to have sex on the first (or second, third, fourth, fifth dates) anyway?
I don't know what you mean by saying you "tried not to have sex on the first date." Either you did or you didn't. Was the man pressuring you or did you find him SO tempting that you gave in despite your better judgment??
As for his response, he may well be sincere and meant exactly what he said, but honestly, what would you EXPECT him to say? "Yes, let's have sex and then that's it." Hardly.
I agree with Chigirl's answer.
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 I always make it clear I won't have sex on the first date, or necessarily the second or third. If a man drives a long way to see me and is hoping for more than sex, he will understand that ladies do not lift their skirts so easily and the classy men I date always appreciate that.
I don't know why you asked him that question, frankly. What else is he going to say? “Oh, for sure – after you have sex with me, we won’t speak again, lady!” Really?
One of the reasons, woman to woman, that I make sure they understand I don’t engage so easily (and I NEVER tell them this) is because I might meet them in person and decide I don’t like them after all – the ‘chemistry’ we sense online and via the phone is not always present when we meet them live. This is also why I meet for the first time on a work-night – we can both have an excuse to go home early without bruising any egos – mine or theirs.
If you are making this decision, it should not be about luring them in for a relationship – if they want a relationship with you, it will happen whether you have sex with them or not – but it should be about you and the respect you have for yourself. If there is any question about their interests, wouldn’t you rather find out they are a pig and not relationship-material BEFORE they bed you? There is also the message you send them about the respect you have for yourself, which is important if you want to encourage their respect for you.
I may not be over 45years old, but I am a long way from being a teenager. And as grown-ups who are not teenagers, you and I both know that we do not owe a man sex because he is driving a long way or because he bought you dinner (sorry to the men reading this, but if we were talking about your daughter on a date, this is the attitude you would want them to have - isn't it?). If you are concerned that his expectations may be high due to the drive, and you still really want to meet him, then meet him half-way.
If you are worried (as I suspect) that by denying him sex, you may lose the chance to meet him, then what does that tell you?
Good luck, hun. And if it works out with this man… enjoy.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 Yes, well, it's a general rule. You always have exceptions to every rule, and I'd think it depends on a person maturity, but also how they view relationships.
I wouldn't dump a guy if we had sex on the first date for the sake of the sex alone. But, I am a believer in having a relationship before you have sex, so that you do not end up with a relationship based on sex. I want to get to know the person before I get to know his body. That's how I work. And I would prefer to be in a relationship with someone who saw it the same way.
That said, I have been in a relationship with a man who started out as a one night stand. So I'm not saying it can't happen. I'm just saying that it depends on what you want to base the relationship on. If you start with sex then you base the relationship on sex. If you start with friendship then that's what your relationship is based on. Most relationships to my experience start with a bit of both, mutual attraction as well as getting to know each other. You don't know each other for years, and neither do you have sex at the go. Most relationships start by trying to find a balance between the two.
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male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (8 September 2011):
I don't think it matters if you are 16 or 60. Sex on the first date can risk the relationship not working out. You do run the risk of that guy seeing you as 'easy' and not gf material. That said, some relationships do work out ok when sex is on the first date. Go with your gut feeling. But if you two really like one another, why not continue dating a little longer before you both go all the way? It's not going to ruin things. In fact, the excitement for the build up to sex with ignite the passions and help create even more of an attraction between you both.
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