A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a bit of an issue at the moment which is part of an ongoing issue. I've been through a hell of a lot of stuff over the years despite being 22. I spent the best part of 6 years on drugs off and on constantly switching one for the other starting from the extreme realising it was ruining my life and spent the years up until now searching for a new high. I've been in three very committed relationships and the one at the moment started off two years ago as a very destructive relationship. We hardly had sex in the first year and a half choosing to do drugs day in day out. We turned it around six months ago after I was diagnosed with liver, kidney and bladder damage due to excessive drug use. I am now totally straight. And totally bored. Me and my partner have been through a lot and some of the things he's said and done are unforgivable but I've more or less dealt with it. My boredom however is not to do with drugs it's to do with the fact that every year I go through a time where in my head I just want to hurt the person I'm with - not on purpose or because they've done anything wrong as such. I don't even know why it happens. I get angry, irritable and have the urge to walk out and start a new life without warning. I've listened to these urges and acted on them in the past and now I'm with someone I don't want to hurt because he's vulnerable. I'm fighting this thing and it feels like I'm losing. But I can't help but wonder what I'm missing. I've always been popular amongst men though I've never taken advantage of it - never slept around. All of my friends are male, all of them have made a pass at me and all of them remind me that the offer will always stand. Because me and my partner don't have sex due to his medication - we have had sex no more than ten times in over two years. This is likely to carry on until he has an operation and is extremely likely to carry on afterwards. It's driving me nuts and I just want to call up the people I know and jump at their offers. All these people are extremely attractive and although I'm not planning on acting on these temptations at all I'm still questioning whether or not I can take this sexless relationship. But it's not my partners fault he was in an accident and I did agree to be in this relationship but I guess I never realised how bad his problem was. Is it the same for women as it is for men - the whole sewing your wild oats thing? Is that my problem?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): It sounds like you have some anger issues that may be the result of chemical imbalances in your body. That would explain the agression. If you did not have organ damage from prior drug abuse I would recommend that you see a medical professional about drug treatments that will balance your moods. Unfortunately you will need to use your mind to control your behaviour.To answer your question bluntly, yes. Women need sexual release almost as much as men. We are all genetically programmed to need sex. Orgasms help our mental and physical health. You are young. You are in a time of your life when you should be having a lot of sex and orgasms. You cannot go back in time after you have missed this part of your life. There are no second chances here. No "do overs".One very important thing I noticed in what you wrote above is that you never mentioned "love". Not once did you refer to the man you spend your life with as your lover, soul mate, dearest, schnookielumps, or anything even remotely endearing. You never said or even implied that you love this person, only that he is "vulnerable". He is this person with a limp dick that you resent. What kind of a life or "relationship" are you in??As tough as it may be, you must move on with your life and go search for a new relationship that has both mental and physical stimulation. It will happen eventually, so whay wait until you are 50 and toothless?
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