A
male
age
30-35,
*-763
writes:Hello everyoneThis is continuing from my last posts (my most recent http://www.dearcupid.org/question/shes-dating-another-guy-and-im-so-upset.html). I would recommend please, that you read my previous posts before reading this post thanks.My social life sucks! Basically she just didn't talk to me and hasn't done for ages, after every attempt of getting her back and now I have found out why.Last week she walked pass me with her friend when I was in a bus. I waved at her friend she waved back and then 'she' mouthed w**k*r at me. The next day I told my best friend (who I had spoken to before as I was unsure about what to do, he knew I liked her but I didn't offically say that), what had happended. He smirked and said 'I told you, she finds you annoying and you haven't exactly done anything to help the problem I knew this for ages, I told you that'. He didn't tell me anything before. My friend is in the same form as her and I have suspected that he talks to her about me for a while.He was the one who told me she 'hated me'. He's never been positive about her and me.For the last month or two she has been flirting with him (in my opinion) and funny enough a few times I have seen him sat near her etc. He did previously go out with her a year or two ago so their still could be something there.I'm so upset beacause it's a big accusation to excuse a friend so close of using me and stealing my lover, even though he knew my feelings!I hate the whole situation! Things really have gone weird since I started showing more of my feelings to 'her'. I invited and payed for my friend to go to dinner, he hardly talked and don't even say thanks! Also when I hav spoken to fellow female colleagues he has sayed 'oh, your just talking to them as you want another feamle friend as you lost 'her'.It's so sad I only have four friends that i really trust and I have lost one and feel that I'm loosing another! One of my friends agreed he may like her secretly.What should I do it's so painful!Thanks!G-763
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (4 April 2007):
 Play it cool, man. As far as you are concerned, this chick is HISTORY. Get on with your life. NEVER even THINK of turning power in your life back over to her, no matter what you might be feeling inside.
Find some other girl to talk to, whether you feel something for her or not. You don't have to date her, just talk to her. And as I say, play real cool with your Ex.
One of two things is going to happen. Either she will give up and leave you alone, or she just might get really desperate and try really hard to get back with you.
If she does the latter, NEVER admit you'll take her back. Just say things like "well, I'm going to be going to the mall tomorrow around 10:30." Not an offer to MEET her there, just an announcement to her of what YOU plan to do. For yourself, not for her. And stay cool. Let her do the chasing, if she wants to. But NEVER play the wuss for her again no matter what.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, G-763 +, writes (2 April 2007):
G-763 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hello
ChiRaven, thanks for the advice. Today I started a new day with the intention to see her as my (ex) as you described. I acted proffesionaly with her like the rest of my colleagues and now she's being different again!
Firstly, she was laughing at my jokes etc. Then we were in a lesson and I had to sit next to her friend and her. Someone asked 'what about X?' (my best friend). She replied quite loudly 'oh, he is too mean for me' (he is quite sarcastic in fairness I must see). This implying their was something as I suspected!
Also later on in the lesson she was getting involved with my convosations with her/my friend. Her/my friend then said to me 'oh it's nice to see you happy today, more like yourself' (as before she noticed my pain and knew why). People are noticing a change but as I begin to get other 'her', she then public says my friend isn't suitable and she starts being normal with me! lol.
What really topped my day off was when my colleagues and I were talking about meeting up in our local city (where she lives). I said 'Oh a couple of weeks back I came into the city and no one was around so I went home'. She truend round and said 'oh when?' as if she was annoyed that she didn't see me, for the first time in weks she ade eye contact with me!
I feel India could still be right, maybe giving her time has been the key, but still it is a wierd situation. I'm still being cautious with my best friend though.
I still love her and shall always, I'm trying to forget her but then she approaches me again! What the hell! lol
Thanks
Any advice would be appreciated!
G-763
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (2 April 2007):
First, I think you can write this girl off as a lost cause. She's gone and she's not coming back. The sooner you get over that the sooner you can get on with your life. It hurts like hell ... I remember how my first big breakup did at 14, when a buddy showed up at a dance with "my girl", after she told me she couldn't go. But there's nothing you can do.
About your friend. Maybe he is moving in on her. I was REALLY honked off about a year later when my younger brother actually started dating that girl that had broken up with me. But once again, there's nothing you can really do about it. You have to decide whether this guy really IS seeing your ex (Yes, start thinking of her like that), and if so, is it worth it to give up your friendship with him over it. Remember, she's gone. What else of yours are you going to let her take along with her as she goes?
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