A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:i have trouble with my next door neighbour,all of this may sound stupid.i have been with my husband 18 years,we did split but we have been back together 2 years and things are going well apart from one thing,my neighbour.Her husband left her over a year ago,but they have been getting back together on and off.My husband has helped her quite abit with baby sitting and diy,which i dont mind,but she stands in the garden for hours talking to him,waits for him to come home from work and rushes out the garden so she can talk to him.He likes going for walks and she has now decided to invite herself along,he tells me nothing is going on which i believe,but he says if a coach load of men came and picked me up and went out he would think nothing of it as long as nothing was going on,it sounds to me he is only saying this to justify what is going on with this women next door,he tells me she confides in him about her husband.he said he knows its not really right going for walks with someone elses husband but she is his friend and companion.i could acccept this but i think its all getting out of hand now.i need a few suggestions,this women can hardly speak to me when she is in the garden now as well.i think she fancies my husband?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): i think you should keep a close eye on the neighbour as i think my neighbour fancies my husbandtake care try not to let it take over your life as you will loose him to her just see what happens
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): Let your instinct be your guide. From what you have written, it seems that you think that there is a need to worry and to take some action to prevent their friendship from developing into a strong mutual romantic and or sexual attachment.
Find some subtle ways to break the habits that have formed between them, by creating new habits with your husband. Start a new activity together, which will keep you both occupied and busy on certain evenings. Try to stay emotionally available for him.
Sometimes meet him somewhere - by prearrangement - on his way home from work, so that you both get in later and together. If possible, go out to where she is to meet your husband as soon as he gets in from work and be affectionate with him, making sure you go indoors with him even if this means the three of you have a chat together first, or giving him a reason to make his excuses and go inside first.
Suggest to him that he should not walk alone with her, in order to protect both their reputations, especially hers as she may one day want a new partner of her own. You could suggest that she might join the pair of you when walking, but if walking on his own he should gently rebuff her offer of joining him.
Perhaps you could get her involved in helping you with some chore or hobby on a regular basis, at a time when she might otherwise seek to be alone with him. She sounds like she needs a friend so perhaps you could be that person, rather than your husband meeting that need.
Get plenty of sexy lingerie out and, quite apart from wearing it, make sure she also sees it by hanging it out to dry on the washing line (even if it doesn't need washing!).
Hope some of that may give you a few ideas. But if your efforts to rescue the situation are rebuffed or thwarted by your husband, it is probably already too late. You may want to consider selling up and moving on - possibly separately.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): she fancies him and he fancies her. he is making excuses and you need to put a stop to this. why not be blatant and tell her to stop. ell her that your hb is your hb and that she needs to move on and find someone else. sometimes we just have to spit out the words or our emotions will kill us.
them spending too much of time together, well, time to kill off this romance as well. i believe that maybe they are also too emotionally attached and with this attachment feeling develop. so eliminate the threat in your marriage. your neighbour needs to be put in her place. you hb also needs to know that his "friendship" is now inappropriate. be observant and act on anything suspicious. rather be a little over dramamtic than the poor fool wife who lets her neighbour have her hb right under her nose. time to be unneighbourly and protect what is yours.
you should also make the walks into a threesome, yes join them for the walks. this woman (and your hb)is disrespecting you, time to slowly return the favour. this "friendship' needs to end .now. BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.
YOU NEED TO BE FIRM AND FIGHT FOR YOUR HB AND MARRIAGE. this threat will destroy you if you let them both continue.
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A
female
reader, KimboPhoenix +, writes (17 June 2009):
I think it sounds very dubious - and out of respect for you your husband should not be going for walks with a single, vulnerable female! If there was nothing going on then she wouldn't have a problem talking to you would she? I'd gently, calmly express my feelings to my husband and ask if he can see where I'm coming from. Then I'd buy some sexy lingerie and make sure it's me he wants to be with - not the woman next door!
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (17 June 2009):
 she may fancy him, but have you ever though maybe she enjoys his company?? enjoys having someone there to talk too and help her through and give a mans point of view about her ex husband... she clearly hangs onto your husband as someone being there to help her understand her ex husband as to what he's doing or why he's being like he is towards her? (should he be giving her mixed signals) i mean there are only certains things women can do. your husband obviously is just helping her so he thinks nothing of it maybe she thinks of him as a friend someone whose been there for her helping her through this tough time someone to give a MANS point of view about the situation.
Hope this helps :) x x x x x
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