A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, This might be an odd question to ask but here goes! I have a 4 month old puppy. I love animals, always have. I have previously had grown dogs but this is my first puppy since I was a child. I walk him, train him, clean up after his poops and pees, he's not allowed sleep in the bed or get up on the couch, and he's only allowed dog food, no scraps! While I do play with him, I find myself a little impatient when it comes to his neediness or wanting to play or when he's at me for attention.While I don't have any close relationships with any children, I do think I want them and would not regret not having kids. But I'm worried that because of this I don't really have a good maternal instinct. My boyfriend too is happy to have children - but if it doesn't happen for him he says he's ok with that too. He thinks having hobbies and being able to do what he wants in life sounds appealing. Yet, when I see him smiling or saying hello to kids you can tell he really likes them too. And he has so much patience for playing with the puppy and training him etc. I'm worried that my impatience(is it mild indifference?) means in going to be a terrible mother... I know you can't really compare kids with dogs but sometimes I feel like in too selfish or lazy to have to play with him! :-( We both have fairly strict ideas about raising kids. I think in that respect were similar. I've heard from people who went to boarding school say they completely loved it but id be afraid to do that because of what other people would think of me! Am I selfish??Also is it weird that I often fantasize about being pregnant? The bump part! ;-) Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2014): OP here. Thanks for your advice. But just to clarify, I don't plan to ship my child off to some foreign boarding school and abandon them. I mean one of those local Monday - Friday places, and not until a lot later in childhood, maybe teens. I'm not cold and heartless!
I believe in good education. The world has also gone crazy with all the reliance on technology that I believe that schools like this would help keep children acting like children for that little bit longer too ...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2014): If we look at the comparison this way; the beauty of pets is, they are forgiving even if you starved them of affection and attention… A neglected child shipped off to Boarding School not so much!?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2014): Don't equate being the parent of a child to being a parent of an animal.
They have different needs and awaken a different instinct within you. Carrying a child within your body; and feeling it grow and kick, will release hormones and your bonding will begin in the womb. Even adopting a child will open a part of your heart, you didn't know existed. They depend on you and expect love from you. You desire for a child will grow strong from your maternal instincts; so loving a child comes through the natural bonding process.
People who have children are often indifferent to the children of others. I mean, they will show human compassion and protect them from harm; but they wouldn't respond out of "love." You are forgetting the element of a mother's natural love that can't be equaled by any force on the planet. Grandparents love their grandchildren. They also appreciate that they go home with their parents.
Don't be hard on yourself. Animals have limited understanding and don't reason. They do know what affection and cruelty is; and they have a strong sense of loyalty. They know their owners and they own their owners. You may not have grown up and attached to your pets. Some people just have a dog; but never bond with him. I think you are discussing two different kinds of relationships, that demand different feelings from different places within you.
Once you hold your own bundle of joy in your arms, and realize it grew within your own body; perhaps it just might feel differently. Through pregnancy; nature will put you through hormonal changes, and do a job on your mind and body. In the end, you would probably wonder why you ever wrote this post.
Don't worry. I think if you did it, you'd be glad you did.
If you didn't become a mom; you'd still have the fantasies.
I think it just comes natural either way.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 May 2014):
 I'm impatient with my cats from time to time. But I don't think I'm a bad mom. Fur-babies and real babies, there IS a difference.
However, IT might also be a GUIDE for you to see where you need to improve.
A DOG needs play time. (cats too) So if that is something you aren't overly excited to do and feel it's a chore, why not find a responsible teen and pay her/him to walk/play a couple of hours a week (spread out).
I didn't go to boarding school, but both my parents did (which is why my brother and I didn't.)
I'm NOT a fan of people having kids and then the first chance they get they ship them off for others to raise, but THAT is MY personal belief. I don't pawn my kids off to others either. I can count on one hand the times I have had people watch my kids for me. I just don't understand the mentality. THAT doesn't mean it's "wrong" or a "bad" thing to do. EACH to their own.
As for the fantasizing.. My guess is your biological clock is ticking. Doesn't mean you HAVE to have children, but whether you want them or not, you still feel that "ticking".
...............................
|
