A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:we are together more than 6 years i met him somewhere in indonesia i am western. i bring him to my country 1 and a half year ago and we married but no job for him there because of the language. we started fighting until the day my mother told him to leave the house and go back (she never want him anyway) he packed his things but till then i founs that i was pregnant. but he did leave the country and come back after 5 months to find that baby already born early but died after 2 months. he left for some island to work there and since then he is making his life there, parties nightclubs and girls... he didnt want me to visit him, and i feel so desperate the only thing has in mind is to save money goin back to his countrz for winter with me without even ask me if i have money to follow him and come back live awaz from me working again on the island for the next season. i am so desperate i dont know what to do basically cause he never decide to find a solution and leave me if he doestnt want to be with me anymore or if he wants to continue as a real couple living together... i love him so much i dont know what can i do
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2008): Sorry to say, your husband does not sound as if he is at all committed to making a life with you. You tell us he is working on "some island" and going to parties and dating girls and apparently has no interest whatsoever in you going to visit him.
Sounds bad to me. Not only that, he is from Indonesia, and you live in Greece. The cultural differences are ENORMOUS. The very last thing you want to do is go to Indonesia, find out you don't like it, and get stuck there with no money to get home! I'm serious!
Besides which, if he is Muslim he is allowed to have more than one wife, by law. How do you know he doesn't already have a wife back home? Short answer: you don't.
Yes, it was sad that you had a baby who died soon after birth. That's hard.
I note you said your mother kicked him out of the house because you and he were fighting. Your mother sounds like a wise woman. Maybe she could see he is not the one you would be happy with!
I think - but its your decision, of course - you'd do better to cut your losses and divorce him. Better to be single than unhappy - and being happy with this man doesn't sound very promising.
Danielpew has given you some very good advice!
A
female
reader, chloe71z  +, writes (23 August 2008):
 I agree with the first guy Danielepew, he is so right and I couldnt have said it better myself.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (23 August 2008):
 A singer from Argentina once sung that "if you need to keep an eye on her all the time, she isn't YOUR wife". I suppose the same can be said of this case. If he won't come your way, willingly, then he doesn't feel any commitment. He is out living his own stuff while you wait for him.
You may not think so, but you are in control here. If you decide to go on with your life, and forget about this guy, then you will open yourself to new people, new experiences, new everything, and you will find someone way better than this guy. But, you need to let go. I can almost feel your sadness: it must feel like trying to retain water with your hands. Sometimes we need to learn to give up on someone. I guess you need to do it here, as well.
I'm sorry to know you lost your baby. I'm also sorry for you. I know how you must be feeling, and how sad my opinion might make you. I'm saying all this because I know for a fact that this is the only way out, dear poster.
My heart is with you.
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