A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have just discovered my husbands porn addiction. We have been married for 27 years. I have always known that he looks, but accepted it. Recently I was off work with a broken bone for 6 weeks, and he kept disappearing to the computer room. When I got close all I heard was click, click, Just franticaly getting rid of what was on screen. I am not really computer savvy, but I had a good idea what was going on, so I downloaded a software spy program and I am really shocked. He promises me that he loves me and wont do it again. Since all this, I have been looking at our life together. He cant climax unless he finishes himself off. I think I am still toned, and very sensitive, he still feels big when he enters me, but I dont think he feels anything, because of excessive masturbation. I am very open to anything, and the only thing I would refuse is a third person it the bed. Why did he choose porn and not me? He doesnt know about the spy software.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008): Thanks Lunabella for that considered and interesting response. I am pro-porn and have no problem with it, but I am aware that many people do. It's true that some people can get addicted to pornography, but likewise some people are addicted to alcohol, some to food and some to sex. An addictive personality is an addictive personality and I believe that if it wasn't pornography, they would find themselves addicted to something else.
Thanks for that link you provided, the last one I had npsupport.net closed down, due to the lack of users on board. For me this suggests that true pornography addiction is a very rare thing, but there are people that do have problems and obviously need some help.
I have looked at that link, and it seems a very good website for men or women who find themselves having problem with pornography. I will be using your link in future for men or women who are having problems with pornography taking over their lives.
A
female
reader, Lunabella  +, writes (7 November 2008):
 We women are dumbfounded when it comes to men and porn because we find it totally satisfying to be with, love and adore just one man. Our eyes, hearts and groins never desire or look for outside stimulation.
Men on the other hand, don't love us the same way back. Sure they love us and porn may indeed make NO difference in the way they feel about us in return, but their porn viewing does makes many of us feel that we are getting short changed. Let me explain. When we love our men with total mind, body and soul and therefore have no desire for others, we are deeply hurt when we realize that we do not get the same kind of devotional love back from them in return. We say things like,
" I don't want to look at anyone else, why do you? i don't want to get off looking at other people, why do you? How come you don't feel for me like I feel for you? Does that mean you don't love me?"
They do love us, but not in the same way that we love them. They express their love differently. We show it differently too. Some men may find this "all consuming devoted love" controlling or suffocating and may escape through their porn. No man wants a women controlling their desire and/or thoughts. No man wants a woman to be their masturbation police. A man can love a woman deeply, but then they don't want to have to put a padlock on the way that they are hard wired. Men are men.
As a result, some women are attracted to lesbianism because they yearn for mutual emotional and sexual satisfaction. Other women may search endlessly to find all they desire with simply a man. Some women become bisexual and enjoy the best of both worlds.
Women can and do look at other men and I believe that our society of women are slowly becoming more free and letting themselves enjoy their own sexuality in the same sense men do. I know women who enjoy porn quite a bit. I am one of them, but I am not addicted to it. Sometimes I do have to remember porn to get off while I am making love, because my husband has his eyes closed and he doesn't kiss me or is connecting to me emotionally.
It saddens me greatly that I don't have an exciting love life that is deeply moving and touches me to my very core of my being. Maybe that only exists in romance novels or maybe with just other women.
My husband views fetish porn sites all the time before I wake up in the morning, when I am not home and even after we make love! He used to do much worse in the past. He's cut back on his illicit sexual behavior which included phone sex and instant messaging. I'm attractive and confident - but I can't compete with the variety of women and sex that the Internet has to offer. I feel depressed much of the time and go to sites like this to try and understand the problem.
You may want to check out this porn addiction site:
http://www.throughtheflame.org/
Good luck. I hope you find what you are looking for.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): My name is Camilla, and I know the hurt. I cannot understand it and it dosen't matter, how we feel. I hate this fixation. and truley with my soul it hurts.I know the man I love but I don't know why he does it. I was a size six, now a size 16 aussie size. My heart hurts. It isn't the size or anything I can fix on but I want to scream... Can't our love ones see how it takes ourhearts and smashes them
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2008): PS: You present as aged 41-50 and currently living in the UK. You will find it hard after 27years of marriage to find another satisfying relationship especially if you need it to be porn free. There are many techniques to retrain your husbands sexual problem. You can try masturbating him softly, delaying his orgasm, you can try pelvic exercises on yourself, to tighten your vagina. If your husband is still fun to be with and treats you good, it seems a pity to dump him and find another guy. The guys you meet might have past relationships and kids, and they may be single for a reason. Please think carefully about divorce. It really may be a case for you that the "grass is NOT greener on the other side", but this is for you to choose. How much do you love your husband, how much is your marriage worth to you? Trying to start dating after 41 is a very hard task, and you may find that there are no men that fancy you, or there are no men you fancy as much as your husband. PORNOGRAPHY DOSE NOT LEAD TO CHEATING. Some people have been unlucky as their husbands find prostitutes exciting, but this is very, very rare. There is no correlation between looking at porn and being unfaithful to your wife. Me and my ex partner looked at pornography together, and he left me, but not because of porn, but because of other issues in our relationship. Porn is pure stress relief and fantasy, it's the same as Hollywood movies that show nudity and sexual activity, just a little more explicit, but it is no threat to a marriage, unless a woman expects a man to become blind and to want to give up looking a naked people having sex. Good luck in whatever you want to do. Blessings.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2008): Dear Wife, I suggest you take a look at all the postings we have on the issue of pornography. Pornography is only a problem when your husband spends all his time or his money on it, or it causes problems in your sex life. Many people are anti-porn and they suggest that if your husband likes porn that you refuse to put up with it, and leave him. To me this is a very extreme view, and can lead women to be very lonely when they find that most (not all) but most men look at pornography and enjoy it and it causes little harm in their life. You must do what you must do. If it bothers you so much, then yes, get a divorce, and hope that your next partner is truthfully about the amount of porn he uses. As I always say, many men lie about pornography especially if their partner has a problem with it. Many women have solved the problem by actually looking at pornography with their partners, which has spiced up their sex life and made their relationship stronger. But if pornography causes you so much pain, then yes, get a divorce and find somebody who hates pornography as much as you. Good luck, but don't forget to read the posts first, it may open your eyes a hell of a lot.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (24 September 2008):
 Partially in agreement with the previous "female reader, anonymous," I would say that your husband's porno activity may be acceptable IF he still satisfies your needs. However, if he "chose porn over me" as you indicate, then there is a potential porn-addiction and reason for concern. You are in the best position to determine this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): hi there. he didnt choose porn over you, he just enjoys watching it. humans have been doing this for thousands of years you wont be the first you wont be the last whos come across men watching other people having sex. this is normal, just let him be as long as you are satisfied, he shouldnt feel guilty or promise you not to do it anymore, hes been doing it for so many years, why stop now?
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