A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was left feeling felt un-needed, Last night i spent over an hour helping my girlfriend sort out a problem.... not a huge one but still... The problem was: She has work today for a temping agency and at the same time she has a job interview... She was told by the agency (who set up the interview) to take the interview in her half hour lunch break but the interview might run over... which would mean being late back from lunch on her first day of work... She was told the temping job could lead to a full time work... All this and plus the job she's getting an interview for is very hard and she has a slim chance of getting it.So after we talked on the phone she asked her dad what he thought and like me he said best cancel the interview its not going to look good... after some thinking she phoned and cancel... then phoned me to tell me.... Well halfway through the phone call her mum phoned her on the mobile and hali explain.... all her mum had to say was you did the wrong thing and she phoned them back and arranged the interview again.... does she not value my opinion? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): what? wrong, actually she went to the interview and didnt get the job, plus she also got fired from her temping job for taking an hour lunch break. Im not controlling i was just thinking of the safe option, her mum also said that "she only wanted her to go for the interview as it was a good job". I wished her luck in the interview and supported her with her decision.
A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (3 June 2007):
Well, some girls (and guys) are close to there parents and like to run things past them before they make a final decision. While a child her mum has made her decisions or been there to help her with things. I always feel my more secure with my decision if my mum agrees with it. And perhaps she wanted to go for the big interview, but need a vote of CONFIDENCE and someone to support her and tell her she was good enough. You said on here you didnt think she would get it. Her mum obviously had the confidence in her to tell her to go for it. Why shouldnt she listen to her mum for godness sake. She probly know more about it and more about her than you do. I think you do sound really contolling and you dont seem to want her to have so much to do with others. You want her to listen to you and do what you say.
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A
female
reader, Manya  +, writes (31 May 2007):
HI again,
Now that you explained more fully, I can see that it's part of a pattern of response from her, & that's why you reacted so strongly.
It makes me wonder what my bf is thinking for example last weekend when
we were in the subway, and he gave the right direction to go, but then i asked a
passerby, as though for confirmation. who said the same thing. But then my bf was upset that i just didn't follow his direction immediately. I wonder why I doubted him?
I realize that guys care a lot about helping their girls to the right decision. I
wish I could tell you why I didn't take his advice immediately, but perhaps I
just need to know him and his thought processes better. For example, he can
be shy and is not pedantic. But sometimes he gives me personal advice that is not
at all what i think. maybe your girlfriend needs to get to know you better,
and to understand your vision for her, and vice-versa?
It is great to get the male perspective. Female thinking is just so different
from male!!!
Manya
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (24 May 2007):
 Your girlfriend received advice from 3 very significant people in her life, you, her father and her mother. He father, too, could ask the question you ask. She chose to go with her mothers advice. Does that mean she values her mothers opinion more than yours or her fathers? Maybe it means her mother is more forcefull or intimidating. You stated she agreed with you, canceled the interview and THEN her mother called and bullied her into reinstating the interview. At least that is how I read it. She may have felt she couldnt stand up to and defy mom.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok, maybe i should be more clear.... She has often said that making a choice can be hard and she goes with other peoples opinion over hers. I don't think she came to the decision herself so saying it's her choice was wrong because she had choosen after 2 hours of thinking it through what to do... a 2 second call from her mum and she changes her mind. This happens on loads of things until she has asked her "mum" if its ok we can't do it. For example we're going travelling and i've been abroad on my own before and booked flights using british airways before but, she had to ask her mum if it was safe to fligh with them....
Other things aswell such as going to university she decided to go because her mum wanted her to go :P.... a few months later we were drunk chatting and her mum said "the only reason i want you to go to uni is so i can say... My daughters been to uni" three months later she decided that she didn't really want to go to uni...
I guess that was the thing that annoyed me and not that she didn't "take my side" lol as i can see that come's across as very controlling and that just not the type of person i am.
I now relise that she did value my opinion and thanks to the people who responded :D... i would have to say though i know it had to be her own choice and i though she had choosen :P but i guess things can make us change our minds with so little persuation :P...
thanks TasteofIndia :D this made me smile "remember that she does value your opinion (otherwise, she wouldn't of asked for it)"
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (24 May 2007):
When you give someone advice, it doesnt mean they HAVE to do what you advised them. It doesnt mean she doesnt value your opinion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2007): You are feeling unappreciated by your gf. You can tell her what 'you' think she should do but in the long run, she will form her own opinion. As well, she's a free thinking woman who makes her own choices on whose opinions and advisements, she listens to. It's very important to realize, that your gf values 'you' but she doesn't always have to agree with everything you tell her to do. Do you do everything she says you ought to do? I think you should also admire her ability to make up her own mind..she sounds like a strong girl. Also realize, she probably values the opinion of the people who raised her, all of her life. Especially her family, they have played a pivotal role in who she is today..the gal you love. . Accept that and realize the foundation of a good, healthy relationship is not based on whether our loved ones agree with us or not. That really sounds a tad imnsecure, immature and controlling. You may have to ask why you are thinking this way. Encompass all the great and positive things about her, what you share with her and what all this means to you. Keep being supportive and continue and loving and supporting her...just like you would want her to do with you. Good luck, dear.
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A
female
reader, Manya +, writes (24 May 2007):
Look at it this way, her own father gave the same advice as you, and surely she must value her Dad's opinion, so therefore if she values your opinion the same as her father's, that's not too bad!!
Cheer up!
Temp agencies are sometimes pretty flexible, sometimes not, and they always
say they could lead to full time work.... Her mother may have known more about this particular situation!
This girl is lucky to have someone like you who is keen on her well-being, but
you have to let things happen, too!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (24 May 2007):
 Sure, she values your opinion. But as DV1 says, yours is not the end-all-be-all of opinions. In your reltionship, you should always be ready to help, but support her no matter what she chooses. Maybe your girlfriend was already sort of thinking that she should go on the interview, and her Mother confirmed that thought.
Don't take this too closely to heart, wish her luck on her interview and remember that she does value your opinion (otherwise, she wouldn't of asked for it), but in the end.... the choice is hers.
Good luck, sweetness. Also to your girl on her interview!
xxIndia
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (24 May 2007):
 She does, but you need to be willing understand that yours isn't the be-all-end-all. There's an old saying that goes: "You can lead a camel from the desert to water, but you can't make him drink". People are going to get advice, but in the end, they're going to make their own choices.
DV1
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