A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Sorry it's a long post, but I am really confused and need some help.A friend of mine told me last year that he loved me. I told him clearly that I felt only friendship about him. We went out later, got a bit drunk and we kissed each other. Life got totally complicated afterwards and I had to disappear from his life. I sent him an email later to ask him about something serious within his profession which he answered professionally. A while later he sent again asking how I was. Recently he sent me an email asking how I was, to which I have responded with a smile and a link to that song 'of you're not the one'. He replied asking me if I mean the lyrics of the song and I told him clearly that he understands me wrong and that I meant nothing. I told him my life is not happy at the moment, and he sent me a YouTube link to since funny pranks and said "at least I how I can send a smile your way."Anyway... 8 hours ago I asked him if he were free, and he said he was busy with work, so I asked him if he was free to hangout and have coffee after work. He didn't reply, and then replied telling me that he had one of the worst days of his life.Hours later, just minutes ago he sent me an email saying the following:"Feeling better.Just wanna say something with a bit of a smile...I had two dreams come true with you, and I am really smiling right now about each...1- I'm not telling you what it was, but I ask myself a lot if it really happened or if it was another dream, then I realise it wasn't a dream and thank life from the bottom of my heart for it. Believe it or not "better believe it" if I died at 95 years of age without Alzheimer's, this would remain one of the dearest moments of my whole life to my heart. I swear to God.2- No matter how you justify it, rephrase it, or deny it, but you asked me out on Valentine's Day, lol. You have a strange magical power to turn my worst of worst days into a very happy moment. ??? I don't wanna get carried away but you know what? Your presence in my life even from afar, is a bless from God. Again I swear to God on this point, too.One last thing I wanna swear to God on...lolHolding your beautiful, small, smooth hands and kissing your fingers is worth to me more than kissing 100 hot models and sleeping with them too. I SWEAR TO GOD that if I were given this choice in real life I'd choose kissing your fingers without even thinking. I swear.Thank you for being you. ? I mean this from the bottom of my heart."Now my questions are:Do you think this guy really loves me? This email got me wondering.Did I give him mixed signals? I like him only as a friend. How to put it politely to him?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2016): Hi. I am the OP. Thank you everyone for your answers. Much appreciated.
He just sent me a couple of hours ago the following email:
"It's one of those rare moments where I feel that I said too much, and wish I could take back what I said. ?
You may kindly forget the last message, seriously.
Be well."
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 February 2016):
 He told you he liked you, you told him you only saw him as a friend and then you get drunk and kiss him? That would have really messed with his head. That would have made him think that you where interested. He tries to keep his distance and then you ask him out Valentines day. Off course he is overjoyed, he thinks you like him also. He thinks you are asking him on a date. My guess is that this is going to hurt him all over again when yet again you tell him no you actually are not interested. Do you like the attention that you get from this guy? Does it make you feel good? My advice is do the decent thing, let him down gently then don't contact him again, you see him as a friend but he sees you as more, and he will only keep getting hurt. Be kind to him and set him free.
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A
female
reader, Tottochan  +, writes (15 February 2016):
Hi there,
I don't know if his feelings are genuine or not, but at least from reading his responses it does seem so. Also, sorry to say, but you are definitely leading him on.
Why are you texting him to meet for coffee when you *know* how he feels about you? Seriously, a one-to-one coffee thing is a date, or will at least feel like it for the one person who has feelings.
I'm sure he wasn't the only person who could solve the doubt you had - you could have asked someone else.
It's not that you've done anything wrong, but constantly getting in touch with him, when he clearly isn't over you, will lead him to believe that the two of you have a chance - "Oh, she could have asked just about anybody else that doubt, yet she chose to ask me?! Maybe she has finally started liking me!, or "She's asking me for a coffee? She has feelings for me!". OK, maybe that was too simplistic, but you get what I mean right?
I would suggest leaving him be for a *very* long time - a couple of months or a year or more. Till he gets the idea that you really don't like him that way, and he has a chance to get over you.
And if he's not being sincere, then not staying in touch with him is for your own good anyway, so it'll work out fine either way.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 February 2016):
 He loves the challenge that you are not easy and the romantic ideals of pursuing. One should back off when heard "we are just friends." The mistake here was you went to drink with him and kissed him. That's where the mixed signals came from. You know when "no" doesn't really mean no, and a guy just tries harder? That's one of the cases.
In real life, women do say we are just friends, take things slow then later they can't hold themselves back and became lovers.
Your friendship won't work out with him because he has romantic and sexual feelings for you. Whether he is the serious, long term type, does not matter. You should not see him any more because he has only one motive by being your friend. He was just smooth talking you hoping that would lead to the ultimate, sex.
Good for you for not liking him more than a friend. He's corny and thinks women would fall for his cheesy lines.
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