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age
41-50,
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writes: I took my daughter (who's 5) grocery shopping and she wanted cookies, I told her no because of my girlfriend (she call her a slut) and she put them in my girlfriend's bag. I think dont my daughter likes her very much. We been together for three years after my wife died four years ago. When we were about to leave, her bag beeped and a bunch of security guards asked her a million questions. Then they almost called the cops on her until a witness told them that my "muffin" tried to shop lift. They let her (my gf) off with a warning. How can I tell her that we're getting married. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, x..BabyGirl..x  +, writes (11 November 2008):
 It sounds like she's had no explanation. She thinks this woman is trying to replace her mother and she's jealous. She's competing with your girlfriend for you attention and if you give the girlfriend the attention they both crave, your daughter will just get worse.I think you should slack off marrying this woman. I'm 13 and my parents have split, and I know for a fact that if I didn't like their new partners that would be it, there would be no marriage.Your daughter's needs should come first. Not that of yours and your girlfriends.You don't say how your girlfriend treats your daughter. I've seen it happen with friends and family that in front of the parents face they're sweet and seem to be the perfect step-parent, behind their partners backs, they guilt trip the kids and make them feel unwelcome, is it possible your girlfriend is giving your daughter a reason to dislike her?You need to send the girlfriend packing for an evening and spend the whole evening giving your daughter your undivided attention, turn off the phone and the television so it's just you two talking.Tell her that your girlfriend is your new partner, but she's not a replacement of her mother and that no one could possibly ever replace her mother. Don't tell her that you're marrying, ask her what she would think if you remarried, if she is completely disgusted about the idea, tell her that you love your new girlfriend very much and would like to be with her. I know your daughter is young, but don't insist that she calls this woman 'mummy', it's not fair on her, of course if she wants to that's fine, unless your girlfriend doesn't like it, which is quite likely.It's a touchy subject, your daughter probably feels like this woman is invading on her house and her daddy and no matter what your girlfriend says she feels like your daughter is an annoying little pest that is getting in the way of how she wants to live her life with you.But you also need to tell your daughter that it's not nice to call your girlfriend a slut as it makes her very upset and it makes you upset too.You need to take a back seat, think, really think about what pain this marriage could cause to your daughter.And if you have more children with her, it will only get worse, there'll be a new baby around and she'll find that she's no longer noticed as much, your girlfriend will want all of the attention to be lathered on her and the new baby and your daughter wont get any attention at all, it will just be 'stop that' 'don't touch the baby'.I think you need to think about who is more important to you, your five year old daughter who depends solely on you, or your girlfriend of three years who your daughter despises. I know from your perspective it looks as if your daughter is being selfish but from the reader's perspective, I can tell you, she's not. I'm sorry, but these things aren't sporadic, there has to be a reason for her hatred and it's not just because she happens to be there.My uncle married a woman his kids hated, his son ended up trying to drown himself on their honeymoon (they'd both been married twice) because of her. Ask yourself if it's really wise to marry a woman who is going to cause your little girl, who's lost her mother, such emotional pain?It's your decision, but my answer would be no.Sorry it's so long, but there's a lot to say on this, please do what's right for your daughter.Good luck and keep us updated. x
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