A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is he making an idiot out of me or not? My boyfriend is coming across like a guy who just doesant get on with guys. But with everything that's happened I wonder why? -is it because they can be flirted with and therefore its easier to get what he wants?-Because I don't like that. He has left so many jobs since we have been together, all male orientated jobs and has been either miserable or disagreeing with someone who works there. He only seems really happy continously when he's working for an agency where women call him to organise his work. I question how he behaves behind my back because when these office staff call him they are so friendly you would think he's known them for years and he appears flirty. I'm sick of having to accept the way he likes to do this, but he's a man with an excuse for everything and in this case he's set himself up this environment again. Before, when he was working thru an agency he would receive A LOT of texts from one particular girl in the agency and event a text at ten to midnight to remind him he was working in the morning, I've done years of agency work and never received such a personal service like he seems to. He's been caught in the past texting a woman who was having problems in her marriage behing mine and hher husbands back. They had been married 8months and he was offering to help her. I am expected to swallow this and be happy but I know if I was him and getting on like that - there would be arguements and nastyness, I'm so good to him, so careful, considerate and respectful and he seems to treat me like an idiot. He wants to do what he wants but there's rules for me. Here's an example of wat happenned recently: We are watching tv and a female is being interviewed - so my boyfriend listens intently, then its the good looking guys turn to be interviewed and he picks up the remote and turns over - I'm not in 2men who only get on with women because there is something not right with that. I'm starting to wonder if I am being manipulated?
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female
reader, TEM  +, writes (10 March 2011):
 So, he's a ladies man. It does appear that he is threatened by men. I think you are correct, in that he feels it is easy to get what he wants, or get more than he deserves, by flirting with women. It's okay for him to have these relationships with members of the opposite sex, but it wouldn't be okay for you.
This behavoir is very hurtful, particularly if he is doing it in front of you. You need to tell him how much this bothers you and he should acknowledge your feelings. You might want to pose that opposite situation - "What if I acted this way with men. How would that make you feel?"
If he has no empathy, if he argues that you are getting it all wrong, that it's not what it seems, etc. take note. This man will not change. You then need to decide if this is something you can, or even want, to live with. Behavior like this will chip away at your self esteem. Over time you will come to resent him.
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