A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months, and we have had a wonderful connection, talk about marriage and kids (he brings it up), text all day--it has been the best relationship I have had and the communication and connection was great. He would tell me loves me all the time, he never left my side when i was in the hospital a month ago, and spoils me rotten and tells me how lucky he is to have me constantly. We have so much fun together and we truly believed we are soulmates and said we never felt this way with anyone before 2 weeks ago, he had told me in advance that he was going to take me to take me to lunch on the upcoming Wednesday for my lunch break near my job. Wednesday morning he texted me good morning and told me how much he loves me etc, then an hour before we were supposed to meet for lunch that afternoon I said "see you in an hour!" and no reply... As it got closer to our meeting I called to see if he was on the way and he never answers and he finally called 10 minutes after we were supposed to be sitting down at the restaurant to say he couldn't make it. I went off on him and told him I felt stood up and that why didn't he let me know ahead of time about canceling instead of at the time and something was more important than me obviously. He said he was sorry and I told him he forgot about me and maybe he doesn't have time for a relationship right now. And he said maybe you're right but he didn't mean to forget on purpose... The reason I said maybe he isn't ready for a relationship is because he is going through a custody battle for his two school age children right now because their mom neglects them and has been very abusive by not feeding them and being gone with other men all night. The kids are living with him right now and he is having to raise them and do their school functions and he also owns his own restaurant that he is running and he has been constantly stressed out since he started the custody battle about a month ago. I feel bad and I want to be there for him through this but he is not himself. I texted him a few days ago and said hi how are you and he replied hi I'm good a day later. What should I do? Should I go after him and let the stand up pass since he has so much on his plate? Or should I let him deal with his stress and see if he comes back around after he gets custody of his kids and has time for us all to spend together again? His son's birthday is in a couple of weeks and I already have presents for him so I thought maybe I could go to the restaurant and give him the presents and say hey? Does he need space or need me to reach out? Is he over me or just stressed? I really miss him and worry if he is ok but why is he so distant and it's so sudden
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (24 August 2015):
 Hi,
i am sorry to hear about how you feel, however, i would strongly advise you right now, to give him all the space he requires.
Your bf is dealing with a number of serious issues right now, so much pressure for any parent, especially as his ex isn't doing the very best job of parenting, plus he is running hiw own business.
All these things combined, must be giving him a real headache & he would hardly have time to focus on himself daily, yet alone anybody else.
I do say this with the utmost respect & when i say this, i don't mean to imply that he doesn't care about you, it's just that he's dealing with so much stuff.
Now, in relation to you & he.
Yes, he does love you & care about you, otherwise he'd never have said anything that he'd said to you over these past months togther, however, right now within his own life, he is dealing with a lot of pressure & perhaps he may be having a few wee doubts, although he's never told you outright.
What i really want to stipulate here though, is his version of love, commitment &/or otherwise, may not be what your version of love, commitment is, certainly not @ this stage of his own life, with all that's going on.
He may really love you as a person, care about you, as you're a wonderful person, however, you & he entered each others lives during a real upheaval in his & you may have been just what he needed & the time, to kind of dilute all of his own pressures.
I am not saying that he is using you on the rebounds, nor am i saying that he lied to you about everything, however, i would say that @ this point in time, he may not have as much time on his hands to move forth with you, in the way in which you'd like, even though he has stipulated otherwise, within your relationship.
It's best you don't turn up unannounced @ his sons birthday party with a gift, as if he wants you to be there, you'll receive that all important invitation anyway.
A man will automatically let you know how important you are to him, by way of prioritisation.
You won't need to chase him, he'll chase you, if he's truly keen.
Also, in some very small/indirect ways, he is actually letting you know that he does require his man space right now.
He has two young children & although he did say he'd love to have a child with you, i have to question whether he truly meant that, or was it simply said out of kindness, as he knows how much you'd love that with him.
I am sure with time, he would love to have more children, but as he is going through so much with his ex right now & their 2 children, it would appear that this is probably not the best time, to bring a new & fully dependant life into the world.
In the early phase of most, if not all relationships, we're all on our very best behaviour, biut as time passes, reality kicks in & we begin to become much more transparent, warts & all.
You are in your 20s, i am in my 40s. I have had many life experiences, i am older, wiser & more knowledge & wiosdom can only truly come with age & personal experiences.
Please try to get on with your life right now, do not contact your bf, because it's as simple as this.
If he truly loves, cares about you & he wishes to be with you, as much as you wish to be wirth him, he will make contact with you @ soem point in the very near future & if he doesn't, then you'll know exactly where you stand.
There is no pint, nor use in crying over spilt milk, as they say, because if something is meant to be, it will be, if it's not, it won't.
I don't mean to sound mean, nor cold, because this is certainly not my intent, but as a woman, just like you, i want what's best for you.
Better to know where you stand, get on with your life & be happy, rather than remain in a situation that keeps you constantly worrying, whereby you don't actually know where you stand with him.
I do wish you all the very best & please let me know how you get on. :-)
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 August 2015):
 I think he's genuinely sorry about the missed date. He has deep feelings for you so even if you got angry with him and assumed that he has no time for a relationship, he understands and would not be over you just because of this. Maybe his ex creates baby mama drama and would continue to be so, until he wins the custody battle. She is purposefully hurting the kids, starving them to make him scared of dating you. She may be a stalker, a phone snooper and threatened him that if he keeps seeing you then he'd regret it. He has to focus on his kids, their happiness. I am sure your boyfriend still wants to see you. He does not need space because you are suffocating him. He needs it because no one else is taking care of the kids and if you were there too then the kids would tell mum and he would deal with drama again.
Your boyfriend wants to hear that you are patient, supportive and did not make a wrong choice in being with him. He needs faith that in time, the family situation would be sorted out and you can be a part of their lives too, just not right now.
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