A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Agony Aunts and Uncles, I'd like to know if my boyfriend has anger issues or not.I was giving driving directions to my boyfriend to somewhere (about 15 minutes away) that he has been to twice before. He didn't really remember the route properly so I was telling him how to get there. Whenever there is a turn coming up, I always give him a lot of warning. Well today, we were heading straight and it was going to be awhile before our turn came up so I wasn't actually giving him any directions because all he had to do was drive straight. Suddenly he just took a left turn even though I hadn't said anything (I think he was on autopilot because we were in an area he was familiar with). I was OK with it because I was able to plan a new route, so I just told him about some of the major roads that were coming up. He then realised he had taken the turn when he wasn't meant to, and then started to raise his voice, telling me off for not stopping him from turning left (he had his indicator on).I told him that I assumed he was trying to bypass all the traffic and that he knew what he was doing and that it didn't really matter because I still knew how to get to where we needed to be. He blew up at me and basically said "Why would I ask you for directions if I knew what I was doing? You should have stopped me!" Then he proceeded to drive like a maniac, speeding up really quickly and braking really hard and suddenly. I really hate it when people drive dangerously when they're angry, and I get scared when I'm in the car with them and they're driving like that. He knows that I hate and get freaked out about crazy driving because I always ask him to slow down when going down long carpark ramps or when he's taking corners too quickly.He does angry driving pretty much every time he's angry, but the driving is worse when he's angry at me. Anyway, I told him "There's no need to drive like that" and he continued to do it anyway. I'm seriously peeved at him at the moment. It was such a small thing so why did he overreact so much? And there was so much "Why didn't you do this or that" from him that it seems like he's blaming me for the incident. And why put his life, my life and everyone else who is around us at risk because he made a small mistake that I had no problem with?Sorry for the length (fresh incident). Is this behaviour normal?? He's my first boyfriend and we've been going strong for a few years and arguments are few and far in between but I'm starting to think he has anger issues... Thanks for any advice! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (1 March 2013):
 I get the weird apology thing too.
with my husband I've had to learn to interpret actions vs listen to words.
FWIW my FATHER as a YOUNGER man (when I was a kid) probably INVENTED ROAD RAGE...
cannot tell you how many times i remember my mother going 'Arthur slow down the kids are in the car" "Arthur stop tailgating , the guy didn't mean to cut you off"
funny now that he's nearly 80 he's calmed down so much....
Wear your seatbelt, make sure you have airbags and if he scares you when he drives like that, yes i would get out if you can or... just NOT drive with him.
for some people driving makes them crazy....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the replies! My boyfriend ended up apologising in some weird non-verbal way by buying me my favourite food/drink (it's pearl milk tea) and pizza. And about the driving, whew. I will tell him that if he drives crazy again, I'm just gonna get out at the earliest opportunity to maintain my wits. Thank you all! I believe I may have overreacted as well in thinking he had some serious anger issues, esp. after hearing that you aunts have gone on a few crazy drive rides yourselves.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 February 2013):
my husband is like this. I hate driving with him and he hates driving with me... I swear we are going to end up meeting at places...
the way to fix this is buy a GPS.. I love mine we have one for each car... it tells you what to do.
he over reacted... sounds like he was pissed at himself and taking it out on you...
if it's only when driving, well then I'd just not drive with him.
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A
female
reader, hellokittyfan12 +, writes (28 February 2013):
 Well I think he definitely over reacted and when he realized that it was HIS own fault and he blamed it on you. He may have anger issues, but then again I know a lot of people who drive crazy when they are mad and blame others! It happens to me sometimes. If he starts getting mad over dumb reason then maybe he does have anger issues but you have dated for a while and I think you would have seen his anger issues already.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (28 February 2013):
Your boyfriend has no Right to put yur life in DANGER with his crazy driving. DO NOT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN AGAIN.Yes you are right he has anger issues and would need to do a anger manager course.You will have to be very firm about this and maybe might be a good idea for you to talk to a counsellor on how the best way to handle this .Best Luck NORA B.
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