A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Precursor: my boyfriend is a recovering addict and sometimes when he's being sketchy I go through his phone to see if he's trying to score or has scored. I know it's not right, but we have a baby on the way and his addiction has done so much damage already. Anyway, recently I stumbled upon him looking up mom/son porn. I looked a little deeper and found that that's primarily what he looks up for porn. I don't mind the porn itself, or if it were stepmom/son, but it being specifically mom is freaking me out. He and his mom are pretty close and she's still young and I'm finding myself wondering if he wants to fuck her or if they have some weird thing going on? My mind is going really weird places. Again, I know I shouldn't invade his privacy, so I would appreciate not getting reamed for it. I would just like to know if I'm overreacting for being weirded out by him wanting to watch sons getting fucked by their moms.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2020): Oh no!Red flags..very bright red flags here.There is no such thing as a recovering addict.You either are one or not.He will relapse I promise you that.Also an addict trying to quit drugs should not be in a relationship as in just boyfriend or girlfriend not spouse.The addict needs to work on himself.A lot of drug users have past trama in their life.This mom son porn makes me think.Really break up with him.This guy is not done useing drugs I promise not at least until he gets help for the bad childhood he had.If you stay with him this will not end well.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2020): Instead of worrying about the sexual fantasies of your boyfriend and getting jealous and worked up about something quite normal and unimportant why not concentrate on how you are pregnant and having a baby soon. I do wonder why you chose to have a baby with a guy who has so little to offer and outside of wedlock. What sort of father will he be to your baby? Does he have a job and an income, has he got a better future coming along in the future? Nowadays getting pregnant is a choice, it is so easy to avoid it if it is the wrong person or wrong time. You have chosen to bring a new life into the World. You owe this new life a good life. Make sure you do. These things are far more important than the sexual fantasies he has.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2020): In cases of addiction, and while people are in a probationary-period in a marriage or relationship following serious emotional-trauma; a little snooping to monitor their behavior is necessary. They've forced you into the position of protecting yourself. Trust was seriously betrayed or damaged. That is not true in the case of jealousy and insecurity. Those situations are not necessarily the other person's fault; that's just plain distrust and poorly-managed insecurity! Nosiness and disrespect for the privacy of others!
Addictive-behavior/addictive-personality disorder is having a lack of control over impulses, an uncontrollable use of drugs/alcohol; or the compulsive-repetition of behavior that can bring harm to others, and yourself. In this case, you get a pass!
If you're going to allow porn in the relationship; you'll have to be tolerant, and can't be surprised where that indulgence might take the curiosity. The most popular subject-matter for porn, are the controversial-concepts that are found most appealing to the viewers. Crossing-lines, defying the rules of behavior, and taboo feed sexual-fantasies.
Don't say you don't mind porn; if you're surprised by the range of fetishes, or the subject matter. Pornography has no boundaries! Though an act or concept interests you; doesn't mean you'll do it, or want it! People watch a lot of gun-play, gore, and violence in movies and on TV. It doesn't mean they want to go-out grab a chainsaw and reek havoc on the neighborhood. It's the thrill they seek. The visual-images provoke fantasy; and removes the confinement and restraints posed by the judgement of others, laws, morality, and rules. The basis behind fantasy!
Although he may harbor the idea in his mind; trust that his mother will not engage, just because sonny-boy has a crazy idea!!! Don't besmirch his bond with his mother with such suspicions. Focus on how he handles his addiction(s) and how they affect you; and will eventually affect you all as a family. If it really bothers you, you have to address how you feel about it; so he will have to give you reassurance that will make you feel better. You deserve that. You're bringing a child into this situation; and you've got to get all things in order. No-time is better than the present!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 August 2020):
 Does it mean that a person who watch XYZ kind of porn wants to DO that porn in reality?
No, not always.
For some it's the taboo. The "uh this is SO naughty". For others, it's a matter of not having healthy boundaries and thus going for progressively more and more twisted material.
Lastly, going though his phone is not going to prevent him from starting to use drugs again, KNOW this, YOU CAN NOT control what he does, feel, think or say. ALL you CAN control is your own actions, feelings, what you think and say.
I too would be weirded out by this. ( the mom/son porn). Especially if it means his has blurry boundaries. But I don't think anyone can say with 100% certainty that he WANTS to or IS already having sex with his mom, OR that he never would. So where does that leave you?
It leaves you with a addict in recovery with a creepy mom/son porn fetish.
Something you ALSO can not control.
Which means it's TOTALLY up to you if this is the kind of guy you want to be with and raise a child with... OR not.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2020): I'm not judging you for invading someone's privacy,I will just say that hat this whole situation is your choice and that the answer to your question is relative since porn is fantasy and tastes differ.You have chosen to play a savior by consciously choosing a full-blown addict as a partner and a father of your child.This savior role has a down-side you feeling the need to put your nose in his stuff since you do not trust him (and rightly so since he is an addict).When you put your nose it doesn't belong, you risk finding things you are not going to like, like the type of porn you mentioned.Nobody here can say that he is interested for real into having sex with his own mother. Nobody here can say that he had been abused sexually as a kid. Nobody here can know what made him the way he is today.However, what everyone sees is that YOU had a weird choice that is pushing you further down the rabbit hole. You have chosen to have a kid with someone you do not trust and need to check up on constantly. And make no mistake this will never end. Maybe you are not per se someone that spies on other people, maybe you are. What is certain that you are someone like that when you are in a relationship with and addict. My God is that tiring. What happens when the baby comes? Will you trust him alone with the kid? Not only do you know that he is an addict, you're suspecting that he's a perv!Porn is fantasy. Some people like to watch forced sex, would we called them rapists? Would they actually rape someone? Who knows. The only thing that is really off limits is what really constitutes sex without consent - children and animals. Everything else is fantasy. Maybe you will find it sick, maybe not. That's why porn is private. And should stay private unless a person watching it would like to share his tastes.
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