A
female
age
30-35,
*oczy
writes:Dear Everybody, why is he behaving this way?Half year ago a guy fell in love with me. He fought extremly hard to get me be with him. He behaved as a gentleman, bought me flowers, surprised me all the time, always called me up - asked how I am, helped me in my studies, did everything for me. Nothing could stop him.But suddenly, as soon as he got me, and I started lovin' and bein' with him, he just changed. And problems came.First of all our common friend called up X and told him many bad things about me (I don't think those statements were right!). X did not protect me. He let that boy insulting me to him. He did nothing! It was very painful for me, so once I could not handle it anymore, and I told X how much it hurts me and requested him to stop talking to that guy and stand by my side! He then did that. But it was very awful for me, that I had to open up my Boyfriend's eyes and tell him what to do. Why couldnt he do it on his own?Next problem was that he is jobless for 6 months. (just graduated). And his family blaming me! And he never protect me in front of them. He just always agrees that "Yes, since I'm with her I do not do my things, you are right!" ... that hurts too !! Because even I am with him still I am studying and doing my things. I guess he is just too lazy now that he has no more school.Then, he makes it even worse, because every week at least 2 nights he have to go out and drink alcohol with his friends. Here, in my country alcohol is very expensive. He has NO MONEY, as he has NO JOB... but still he asks money from his parents (who gave him). X drunk all the money during a night, and then everybody blames me! That its all happening bcz of me! Just to inform You, I am not even taking part in these drinking-parties, as I am not invited and I hate alcohol! Still my fault?And the next what is hurting me the most: In my school I am studying movie-directing. There is a guy (Z) in my class who is irritating me from the very begining of school. He is asking me disgusting things in connection with his sexual life... that "Why don't I do something with him... " blablabla. In front of everybody even in the school, even during a shooting. That is very very humiliating for me. Not only once I run home because I could not take it any more. I cried and suffer a lot because of that guy Z.Now, this guy Z (who is puting me down all the time) got into touch with my Boyfriend X and invited him for a shooting. The cameraman guy (who is my friend) told X to invite his girlfriend also. X did not give me the info, he said "Ohh sorry, I forget to say that even you are invited!". How could he forget when he knows Im studing this? But the worst is, that when I get to know that he will work with this guy (who humiliates me) I told X the full stories honestly. It was very unwelcome to me to talk about those events...:( ). Again X did nothing, so again I had to ask him :"Ok, so please! This guy is behaving THIS WAY with your Love! He is insulting me. Now, You are my boyfriend, so can I expect that You will stand by my side and tell that guy: "No thanks, I wont work with you?" ?" - and guess what he said! He said: "I like that guy, has no problem with him. He is hurting you not me. Thats your problem, solve it yourself!"...Oh no!!! But of course every day and every night he is telling me HOW MUCH HE LOVES ME! Then please try to answer me, if he can say the words...why he cant do something for me? He is causing so much pain for me... Im suffering more with him, than I did alone.
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (6 December 2013):
 Before I go over this case by case, I'll say this right now - having a boyfriend doesn't mean that you don't stand up for yourself. It doesn't become his responsibility to stand up for you in every situation. However, his general life decisions have me questioning your compatibility with him.
1. The "common friend" saying insulting things about you. Why would a friend of YOURS feel the need to warn him about you? There are only two reasons why that would happen - either there's truth to what he's saying, or he wants to break you up because he's interested in you. Either way, you've been with your guy 6 month, which is still a new relationship. In this case, YOU need to stand up for yourself if it's not true, demand proof, and get to the bottom of why a friend of yours would put you down like that.
2. His being jobless is is own fault. He and his family are looking for a scapegoat, because sometimes families take their side whether it's right or wrong. He sounds coddled as a kid, but you need to stand up for yourself here and say "he's making his own choices. You can either help him or blame me."
3. The drinking is the most troubling. Drinking isn't wrong, but if you have this kind of hatred towards alcohol, and he has that kind of love for it, you may have a doomed relationship because of a lack of compatibility towards how alcohol is viewed.
4. This guy Z - while it's not your boyfriend's job to stand up *for* you, I have a hard time thinking that he could be okay with this guy making sexual advances towards you and sexually harassing you and that he could *like* the guy. That shows me that he doesn't believe you. In this case, you need to verbally eviscerate this harassing guy Z in front of the rest of the crew if he won't let up on you. As in, tell him to shut the hell up or you'll report him to the dean for sexual harassment. Then follow through.
I would tell your boyfriend that since he thinks you are detrimental to his life, and that you believe that a guy who shares your view of alcohol would be better for you, you'll be leaving.
You need to stand up for yourself. I'd be confronting this friend who said these things to your boyfriend and making him answer for what he said.
I still have a hard time considering why a FRIEND would put you down. I also have a hard time considering why a boyfriend would not care about a guy sexually harassing you to the extent you said this guy does. That only happens if you've been a compulsive liar or your boyfriend can't stand up for himself. Either way, never rely on a guy to stand up for you.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 December 2013):
 A guy pursuing an attractive and sexy girl is much like a dog chasing a car.... We (both) LOVE "the chase"!!!!!!
But, much as the dog wouldn't know what to do with it, if he CAUGHT the car.... we guys don't know how to behave once we've "caught" the girl. (Note: "caught" means that he got her to put out!!!!)....
That's one of the "secrets" about guys that you can tuck in your memory bank and save for future reference...
Good luck....
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