A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A friend of mine that i have known for some time now, around 2 years i consider to be one of, if not my best friend has suddenly become weird on me. We used to talk all of the time, about everything and anything, if any of us had a problem, we always talked to eachother, we knew that we could always talk to eachother and no matter what was going on, we always had time for eachother. But over the last say...4-5 months, she suddenly became very distant, talking to me in what i can only describe as 'the bare minimum' She has started to just hold everything in, then barrel load everything out to me in one huge load, i have no problem with that because she is my best friend and i care about her. But when i need to talk to her, she either says she is playing on a game and is busy, or watching a movie on the net. No matter what the problem is, i can't talk to her anymore, she always has some reason to basically tell me (in so many words) i don't care! I had a massive argument with my wife last night, and she came on line, we was cooling off, and my friend asked me if i was ok, so i told her, then she went quiet for 20 minutes and came back to tell me she was again 'busy', then she came back again, and asked me what happened, wanting details, so i told her, and part of the fight with my wife was about being there when you need them the most, and my friend then said she felt bad for not being there, made her excuse and off she went, and did the same today, after promising me we would talk and catch up. I don't know what to think any more, is she bored of me, does she just humour me or is she using me as someone to vent, but only in a one way fashion now?! She means allot to my life, and i don't want to lose her, but im not going to be left feeling hurt by her 'busy' all of the time. I know she is not busy, because i talk to another friend and i am asked can i wait a sec, my best friend wants something, yet told me she was going and said to me 'goodbye'! What do i do here? Any insight, and thought will be greatly appreciated. (a bit long, sorry)
View related questions:
best friend, her ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou know, the more I look at what you said, and the way you have said it, the more and more it looks right, ringing true, knowing I saw this but blanked it! Everything on here is everything to tell, nothing to hide.You are right as well, losing a friendship like this is hard, painful and something I never expected would happen! Time to walk away I think.Thank you Kilcardy.
A
male
reader, Kilcardy  +, writes (26 February 2011):
I'm sorry, but I'll bet you a thousand bucks it has everything to do with marriage (unless you're not telling us everything). Look, the concept is the same. You are unavailable. She knows that. She too is unavailable. So, she's not going to continue to invest emotionally in a relationship with you and risk hurting her marriage. The battle cry of those enmeshed in emotional affairs is "but, we're just friends." I'm not suggesting your friend is jealous. What I am saying is that there is no longer any good reason for her to continue with you. She's married, which is even more to my point. She's apparently aware enough to recognize the danger here. Her marriage is more important to her than a "special friendship" with you. Her feelings may have started to get to her prompting her to cut it off. Be a good guy, and just let her go. She and your wife will appreciate it. I understand you may not agree with my assessment. But, I'm a disinterested objective observer. You are involved emotionally and may not want to see the obvious. It's tough when friendships crash and burn, especially those "special friendships." But, it happens especially between special friends involved in committed relationships with other people. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was married before i met my friend, so it has nothing to do with marriage! And she is also married.
I don't think of her in any other way other than a friend, and i know that she is the exact same, she is happily married and trying for kids with her husband, so it's certainly not about her seeing me get married and becoming jealous because she missed out or whatever..
And i certainly act married, i think you have the wrong end of the stick. Thanks anyway.
...............................
A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (26 February 2011):
You're married, yet you talk about your friend as if she is your wife. You sound completely confused. Why do you think this other woman should invest time and energy into a relationship with a married man? You really don't have standing to insist that she "be there" for you. That's your wife's job. Maybe your friend has realized that it's neither productive nor healthy for her to be spending any significant amount of time developing a relationship with someone who is unavailable (i.e. Married). Can you blame the girl? I don't. That's my insight into why your friend is backing off. There's nothing in it for her. My advice to you is to let this girl go and start working on your marriage. You're not single anymore. Start acting it.
...............................
|
