A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So i met my boyfriend through my best friend, they've now gone to uni together and are living in the same house. I was always hesistant to start a relationship with this guy even though i had strong feelings for him. My best friend 'used' to have feelings for my boyfriend before i knew him, she'd tell me how much she loved him, it was 10 months before i met him and when i did i was immediately attracted to him, but knowing my friends feelings distanced myself as I didnt want to put our friendship (of 8 years) at risk. So he joined our friendship group, i watched her fawn over him and a few months went by, it was after about 5 months went by that my best friend confided in me that she had been dating another guy from our friendship group for the last 3 months. This hurt me deeply as it felt like i was last to be told, and she had told my now boyfriend before me! Now the guy she is still currently dating is good friends with my boyfriend. My best friends boyfriend confronted her a few months ago about the close relationship she still held with my boyfriend, to which she replied 'we are just good friends', so her boyfriend had to keep quiet for fear of losing her.So anyway, it was after 9 months of my bestfriend being with her boyfriend, that my boyfriend and I admitted our feelings for each other. We've been together for only a month, but i'm already insecure about my place in our relationship. I havent told him i'm madly in love with him yet and dont want to until i know that i am the only woman in his life that holds his heart. He is a good guy, his moral compass is definitely straighter than mine, so I know he wouldnt cheat on me, but i hate having to share my relationship with my bestfriend! They were both at university together before we became a couple. It's their first year and they havent made close friends with anyone but each other, they spend a lot of time together and it scares the hell out of me that all that time together will create more than friendship. My best friend has already made it perfectly clear that she knows my boyfriend better than I do, which hurts deeply. She thinks nothing of going and hanging out in his room (he doesnt hang out in hers} and she knows all the passwords to his laptop, mobile etc. They sit and have movies nights together and spend most evenings together. My best friend tells/shows him embarrassing things from my teenage years which I'd prefer to tell him myself. She also comes and wakes him up in the mornings, bringing him a cup of tea and when I'm sleeping over wakes both of us up by banging on the door. She also becomes moody if we act couply around her. I recently asked my boyfriend if he gets annoyed at anything she does when living together and he said nothing does. I see my boyfriend nearly every weekend and skype a couple times a week. I recently met his mum, which is a big deal for him so I know he holds me in high regards but i cant shake the feeling that there is three in this relationship. Do you think she still likes him? Or are they just really good friends? I love him and dont want to lose him, but i cant fully open up to him when my best friend is putting her stamp on our relaionship, what do i do? Help me please...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2014): I would say I wouldn't be comfortable with this. I'd want them to live apart next year. I'd visit more often. Go on lots of dates without her. I think she likes him, definitely.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 November 2014):
 I think your "best friend" is jealous of you & him. IF she "fawned" all over this guy with NO result (as in he didn't like her in "that" way back) but he LIKES you that way and it irks her a little. I think that is why she likes to point out she knows him better (and LET'S face it, she DOES know him better then you.. for now) As she lives with him. She likes to SHOW you just how much better she KNOWS him (like the whole tea episode thing). Just smile and wave... Don't let it bother you.
My advice GET out of that house with him and DO things away from her, MAKE your own memories SHE isn't included in. AS a couple. Doesn't mean you can't hang out WITH your BF and her from time to time, but don't make HER the focus on YOUR relationship.
The big question isn't really if SHE still likes HIM. It's IF he likes you. It seems that way.
What is she like when her own BF is around? Does she still pay full attention to YOUR BF?
I introduced my best male friend to one of my best female friends (oddly enough they always seemed to miss meeting the first few years) and well, they ended up together, married with kids, a farm, the works). I DID know him better then her, but unlike your friend I didn't point that out constantly nor did I try and insinuate myself in their relationship. WE did hang out ( the 3 of us) a lot when they moved in together.
She can ONLY put a stamp on YOUR relationship if you LET her.
I would also suggest you spend time with HER alone, form time to time. Having a BF doesn't mean you forget your friends.
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