A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have been going out with my boyfriend for 7 months now and we are serious with each other, we have discussed the future and he said to me that he can see us togeather in the future. Okay, so my main concern is, He is at uni and is always busy with work then he works two nights a week, When we first starting talking the night after i met him, he wasnt that good at texting, he would just text general things unlike other guys who would just text wanting to meet up and talk about how good look u are. But, since going out he used to text me everyday and slowly he didnt text as often, I said to him a few times why he doest tet me alot anymore and he said that he is sorry and that I shouldnt wait for a text from him and that I should text him if i want, he is just too busy with uni work or busy with other stuff, its not that he doesnt want to talk to me, its just that he is bad at texting and always will be. So after he said this, I suggested that we phone each other every night instead of texting if that would help and it did help but then it slowly stopped and he appolgised and said its cause of the uni work he has as i know he has alot of deadlines at the moment, but when i said to him again, he asked why do i always wait for him to text me? and that he would like it if i could text him first too or even give him a text then phone him after. When I am with him, he only texts his friends if he really needs to, if he has an important question or if he is meeting them. he said that he is not used to texting that often as not many people text him and i believe this as he doesnt get texts alot. I spoke to his ex a few weeks back who said that he dont the same t oher, she had to initate alot of the texts/phone calls as he would forget or be too busy with uni stuff so he would forget. Is what he doing wrong? Or is this guy just not a phone person at all and should I really text him more often instead of waiting for him?Also, during the summer holidays he cannot wait as he wioll have no uni work and also he has a summer placement which means that he wont have to work nights in his old job and he said that he cant wait to see his friends (he moved to my city for uni before i met him and he hardly sees his friends) and he cant wait for band practise and then i asked him what about me? and he said yeah obv i will see you, I didnt say those things in any particular order its just that you do mean the world to me and you are a major thing in my life, its just that he doesnt know what ill be doing for summer yet and he said he wont see his friends more than me, but we will work something out, he says he cant wait for the independance of having no uni work or evening work and itll be his frist time in 7 years to have the weekends to himself, am I being too harsh on this guy? Is the texting/phoning thing not an issue? should I just text him more/first? and also for summer? he siad that its like taking something for granted, and i asked what me? and he said yeah, but taking for granted is the wrong word its just that, we breathe everyday but we dont think of this do we? so, you mean alot to me, and just cause i dont see you sometimes doesnt mean i dont love you or think about you. thn i asked so you take me for granted and he said no, I dont. what do you think with this guy?is it bad that he said that he cant wait for summer to have some "me" time. thanks
View related questions:
his ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, mrg123  +, writes (18 April 2011):
 Is it wrong of him? I have to say no because its obviously who he is. If his ex had said different I might have given you a different answer to this but since she didnt I cant say its wrong per se. You say also he is the same with his friends which also further reinforces this point. So, here on this score I am with him.
I can understand what he says about the summer BUT here I more see your side to be honest because I know in your position id feel the same way. What I think we need to do is leave the phone/texting thing to one side because it is more about him as a person and its something that yes you can remedy by doing more of the initiating and because its his personality quirk then here I think you should take the lead.
The summer thing though is a more serious issue because I think he is being a bit selfish over this. I think this guy needs to try and find some serious work/life balance for his own good and the good of those around him. I think he probably does love you but his way of showing it is a bit deficient and a wee bit insensitive to your feelings. Were I talking to him, my concern would be is that one day you are going to reach the end of your tether, will walk away and then he will be heartbroken because he is taking it a little for granted. None of this, I hasten to add, makes him a bad person, it just makes him a flawed one.
So, what to do? You need to make it clear you feel neglected, try not to push him too hard, especially over the phone/texting thing but gently assert yourself over the summer thing. Say things like 'well of course, we dont have to see each other every day but it would be nice to see you more' and make it nice to gently encourage more. Were this another person I would question whether he has invested as much in this relationship as you obviously have and this is the question your really asking. However, I think in this case its right to say that he has a problem showing his appreciation - its something that can be rectified but it has to be or else it could end up wrecking this
relationship. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
|
