A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I understand how wrong it is to regard people as objects. That's why I never stare at hot girls on the street, talk about their bodies or "hit on" them. But privately, I am curious about the female shape (being very inexperienced and never had a gf). So I keep magazines and digital pics of women to look at - women who are totally naked. I like to think its no different from appreciating any other art form.But the fact is I do stare for a long time and become excited. (Excited at the beauty itself since I'm never imagining anything sexual.)Is it wrong to look at such nudes and will it lead to objectification as many claim? so far I don't treat real life girls any different and certainly don't expect them to look like those models. Is it possible to fully respect females while also admiring them nude, with my penis erect?? If so, what things should I keep in mind when looking so as not to dehumanize them?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2017): I think you should think about the future, and your "ideal" mate. If she would be very religious, then perhaps it is likely she would also NOT want you to look at strange naked ladies when with her, which will be harder to do if you get in the habit of it now.
Having said that, I'm sure there are plenty of religious women who don't have an issue with men just looking.
I also think it's totally possible to enjoy nude women without starting to objectify them.
Best of luck!
A
male
reader, Phil052  +, writes (6 October 2017):
 Thanks for your follow up. I think it is fair to say that women who pose naked for magazines or online are well aware that men are going to look at them, get hard and masturbate to them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2017): OP here. Thanks for all the helpful answers to my question!
Honeypie, your response was very thorough. To answer your question, I'm from a religious family and so was taught that sexual thoughts ARE wrong. (Looking at nude bodies is considered wrong too but it reached a point where I got too curious to resist and now that bridge has been crossed.)
The digital pics are from the Internet, just of like famous models, profesional pictures. If you look up nudes by Inez & Vinoodh, you get an idea.
I may not be leering at women out in society but I DO at their pictures. I try to remember they are people too, but that makes me wonder if a model I'm gazing at fully realized how her image might be "used". If she thought she was creating something artful and beautiful, like in those photos I mentioned, would she be offended by my male gaze and naked erection?
"I think if you respect them when your penis is NOT erect why is it different when your penis IS erect? Respect is respect. No?"
Hmmm... Well if a girl in a skirt sat down on the subway across from a guy and showed a little too much leg, he could look away out of respect. But if he stared at her legs for the next 20 minutes, then stood to show off his bulge, that wouldn't be very respectful! lol. Maybe that's not the best example. In real life, I am the person looking away. But in private I use images to see not just the girl's legs but everything else also. That's embarrassing to admit, maybe cause of what I was taught growing up. Intellectually I now know such desires are natural but there are often hazards to indulging them.
At least the gist of the answers here, from BrownWolf, Riot2017 and Phil052, seems to be that admiring and getting aroused by women's bodies is normal and only bad if it replaces real relationships.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2017): It's true that porn doesn't cause the problem but it certainly doesn't help. Whereas men could spend time questioning their behaviour and start to challenge thenselves to look at women as more than body parts , porn encourages them not to and it promotes women being treated and sexual objects for men's use and pleasure and nothing elseSo yes porn plays on the natural instincts and also the socialial conditioning that has already occurred to encourage the already problematic objectification of women Men have the power and opportunities to challenge themselves to treat women better and to question their ongoing objectification of women but very very few men actually have this level of self awareness or care aboutWomen enough to do so. Occasionally when theirsaughters sisters or wives are affected by other men's attitudes they will step in but it's a rare thing for men to look at themselves with any level of insight as far as this problem goes
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (5 October 2017):
Hello OP,Some (many) guys objectify women, with or without porn or nudes. That's the way they were raised and educated by family and/or environment.Watching PORN doesn't make you objectify woman in the same way video game doesn't make you a serial killer.Porn is there for you to satisfy your sexual needs and fantasies until you find a serious partner.If a male dog gets an erection for seeing the nude picture of a naked female dog, is the male dog objectifying the female dog? Well, I don't think so. We males have instincts and sexual needs that are different from those of female, and you know what? That's ok. We evolved to be that way. It's in our nature.As long as you are aware that women are not a piece of meat you can satisfy your sexual needs with, that they have needs and feelings just like you, then you'll be fine with your porn usage. Ignore what many girls and guys out there say that is bad for you and all that. Just because jerks happen to also see porn makes you auto-magically a jerk too, in the same way that just because some serial killers play videogames don't make you a serial killer if you play videogames. Correlation doesn't imply causation. Best luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2017): To be honest the answer is yes . There are not really very many men at all now days with the huge availability and array of Internet porn who don't have a HUGE problem with objectifying women
I'd go as far as to say that objectifying women is now seen as perfectly ok and normal even though it is very damaging to women
Even women have been taught to see the objectification of themselves and other women as acceptable and to go along with it and even seek their worth through it because they know that their worth in this world is primarily based on their youth body and appearance
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A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (5 October 2017):
I think when you are young and inexperienced with women, but your hormones are surging, it is normal to be interested in women both as people and their physical beauty. Let's be honest, all straight men enjoy looking at pictures of beautiful naked women, and it is perfectly normal for those images to cause your penis to go hard.
However, the real joy is to get out there and meet real women/girls, to talk to them to make them laugh, to share stories with them. This has to be your next step, to find yourself a real life girlfriend, then you will find out the true magic of women!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 October 2017):
 Honestly? I think it's pretty normal to be curious about the naked form.
I have to ask though, the pictures in "digital form" where are they from?
And I also want to ask why you seem to think that looking at a picture of a naked woman and having sexual thoughts is somehow a bad thing? After all your BODY reacts in a sexual manner so maybe you are a "little" in denial about what you think about when you look at these pictures?
Why the need to compare it to "art"?
There are PLENTY of examples of nudes in art. I think nude women (especially) is one of the MOST painted and drawn image there is. So if you are "thinking " of these node photos and purely art... why not stick to art? Goya, Klimt, Cezanne, Titan, Picasso just to name a few who painted nudes that were actually considered rather raunchy at the time.
(just saying.....)
So don't lie to yourself. You like looking at naked women and so do millions of other people too. Men AND women. You find them arousing, hence getting a bodily response. Again so does millions of other people.
Is it dehumanizing to get aroused by a picture of a naked body? I don't see why or how you come to that conclusion.
If you, when you see a woman walk past you don't see a human or a woman but tits and ass only then I'd be inclined to say that you are OBJECTIFYING them, not quite dehumanizing but bordering on that. Like her womanly attributes are the only things that hold worth in a woman.
Back in the day before the Internet, there were Sears catalogs and I can BET YOU that plenty of young American's look at the women's underwear pages and NOT for the reason of ... "I swear it's for research". Pretty sure girls also checked out the male models too.
As for your question:
" Is it possible to fully respect females while also admiring them nude, with my penis erect??"
Only you can answer that.
I think if you respect them when your penis is NOT erect why is it different when your penis IS erect? Respect is respect. No?
You are not leering at women you see in society or ogling them or treating them as if there are walking sexual possessions for you and other men, are you?
I, personally think using your IMAGINATION when to comes to sexual thoughts, fantasies etc. are much much healthier than those who are so into porn they are really desensitized to the fact that 1. it's fake and 2. it sets an unrealistic notion of what sex will/should be.
RELAX, kid. Your body will react to images, touches, and sounds and there nothing you need to "keep" in mind - other than WOMEN are people too. Ok?
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (5 October 2017):
 Good sir...YES and NO!!!
Let's start with the NO...Looking at porn or naked women is normal, based on the fact that men were design to chase women.
The yes part...Especially because you say you are inexperienced...DO NOT SPEND YOUR TIME IN YOUR ROOM LOOKING AT PORN OR NAKED WOMEN!!! Why???
Your hand is not a substitute for a vagina. In fact, no vagina looks like, or feel like a hand...It is OH SOOOO MUCH more awesome!!!
The only way you are going to know that, is if you go out and meet said women. Find one who will be the object of your attention. Love her like you love yourself.
Looking at naked women only drives your hormones through the roof. So when you meet a good woman, the only thing on your mind is...when are we going to have sex. You do need to start off like a horny rabbit...ready to hump everything you see.
Humping is for fools...Making love to a woman however...Now you are cooking gas!!
So... Leave the fake crap alone...and go LEARN how to talk to and treat a real women. Fantasy is just that. It will never replace the real thing.
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