A
female
age
36-40,
*each1908
writes:How can I stop comparing myself and feeling like a looser - I am 31 and I feel like I haven't accomplished much in life nor have I enjoyed anybting . I come from a broken home - nothing I did was ever good enough - I have two degrees a corporate job and live with my parents to pu my school loans in order to buy a home but I'm so insecure . Even at work I feel like I'm never smart enough never good enough. I have been told I am a pretty girl so I have used my looks as a defense mechanism to make me feel that maybe then I can feel good enough and that's not working - I can never bee skinny enough - tan enough etc . This mechanism is exhausting me. I've blamed my parents but at this point I can't stop it- I can't snap out of this - I'm a workaholic - I don't stop working - overthinking and obsessing about a life that could have been better than this - I feel like my life has just come to a series of events lived for someone or something else. How can I change? Even my personal relationships like past bf it's been to impress them - to get them to like me or people to like me by being into something I am not. It feels so lonely inside - I have decided to get two jobs so I don't think or feel alone anymore so I'm constantly busy but it's stillIn the back of my head Does anyone have any way on how I can1. Stop people please2. Stop caring what ppl think3. Stop relying on my insecurities How can I learn to think I'm more than just a pretty girl with big boobs- I believe I have more to offer - why can't I feel it?
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at work, boobs, insecure, live with my parents Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (5 October 2017):
Hello OP.YOU NEED TO GO TO THERAPY, NOW. Seriously.You know, you have something called "Impostor syndrome", where you feel like you are pretending to be something you are not, because inside you are deeply insecure , vulnerable, a scam, etc. You need to know the TRUTH: Everybody in the world, from the Queen of England, to the person with the highest self-esteem of the world, has some kind of insecurity deep down in there. We are all flawed, we are all insecure, we all have fears, just like you do. YOU NEED TO STOP BEING SOMEONE YOU ARE NOT. STOP PLEASING EVERYONE ELSE BUT YOU. STOP FAKING A PERSONA JUST TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU.You are not your job, you are not your attractiveness or your physical appearance. All of that can go away in a second when you are not expecting it. The people that are with you just because of your looks and the fake persona you hold will not be there in the bad times. Being someone you are not will only bring you misery and suffering at the end. I was a people pleaser like you, and did and act in different ways just to have the attention of other persons. In the end, it wrecked my life and my self-esteem. It's been 10 years since I've been recovering, and being my self now. I haven't felt better in my life. I don't give a damn what other people think about me, I found the partner that really loves me, I stopped caring when my parents tell me I'm a looser, I started having better economical success, and many other positive things that have come to my life as a side effect of just being myself .You want to be surrounded by people that really care about you and not your looks, your job, or your money. You want to be yourself on every situation. That will attract people that like you for what you are, and will be there with you if things ever go wrong. Best luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2017): You probably have some form of imposter syndrome. Look it up,a lot of women have it. You have two degrees, a job and a plan for the future. I don't think you got to this stage just by fluke.1) Stop people pleasing: practice saying no.Start with small things. Say it to yourself in the mirror, keep saying it2) What people think: even a saint will have people who think badly of him/her. That's just how it is.What people think should not be your concern. It bothers you because your self-esteem is low. Work on that.Make a list of what you consider your positive points and traits.3)Insecurities: Firstly, don't compare yourself to others or try to live up to others' expectations. Set small goals for yourself.The key to all here is knowing yourself: strengths and weaknesses, acceptance of these and being self-aware. This does not come easy as we are experts at lying to ourselves but you have to give it an honest attempt. You can try writing reflective essays. Where you are know,where you see yourself, how are you going to get there. This helps in self-awareness.All the best!
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (5 October 2017):
What are you comparing to? Tell me...Who in this world looks like you, has your body, thinks like you...heck, who else is like you?? So what exactly do you have to compare yourself with?
I love to please people who appreciate it.
I do not care what people think of me...why? I know who I am, and the kind of person I am. I do not need to compare myself to anyone else.
- Do other people help you pay off your loans?
- Are you sleeping in bed with them?
- Do they provide all your meals?
- Did they write your exams for you to get your two degrees?
- Did they help you get pretty, and create your big boobs?
If other people have not given any of these things...Then why the hell do you care? You made it to 31 years and achieved all you did, not because of other people, but because of YOUR HARD WORK.
You came from a broken home to make you stronger...not weaker. The only person making you feel the way you do is....YOU!!!
Not your parents, not other people....YOU!!! Because YOU are telling yourself nonsense and believing in your own nonsense.
The only thing I care about in this world is how I treat other people. I treat them the way I want to be treated myself. I want to be handsome on the inside, not the outside. I want have a beautiful heart, not a beautiful face. I want to be strong and courageous for those who cannot do it for themselves, not to be ripped with muscles on the outside.
You are more concern with your outside, yet your inside has not been touched. Work on your inside...and people will love your outside.
Simple.
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