A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Okay – I have been out of the dating thing for at least 2 years and was a bit rusty but started seeing a girl (she is 39 and I am 42) recently. We had an instant amazing connection - and still do! First four or five dates were very casual and we had great fun together. So we kept seeing each other over a couple of months. Shared loads of emails, texts, phone calls – the normal stuff. Then things naturally progressed to a physical level (though not sex – kissing, cuddling etc). Clearly there was an attraction to each other at various levels. Then one evening whilst together something must have clicked in her mind (she described it as alarm bells ringing) that made her switch from being totally (and I mean totally – in her own words “just crazy about me”) liking me to giving me the “good friends” email the next day. We had actually gone to bed that night but didn't do anything because requested at that point to “take things slowly”. I may be old fashioned or I may not be the alpha male that I should be but I felt it was important to respect that so I took it slowly (a misjudgement on my part perhaps?). I discovered a few days later that she was only a month or so out of a 4 year relationship. Though having no intention of ever going back to him obviously she still misses some aspects of him - which I think is entirely understandable - I have been there too! I wouldn't normally accept the just good friends thing – but we have still continued to see each other for the last month on a weekly basis for meals or walks (not all paid for by me) and she emails and texts still (though with less affection than her previous ones). So should I give her time to get over her ex and hope there could be something still for us given the connection we had/have? Or does “just good friends” always mean just that for a woman? Would a woman really kiss and show affection to a man and even be prepared to then go to bed with him as we did if there hadn't been any kind of attraction (she says there was but also said she had mixed feelings about the physical aspect of our relationship – maybe she thinks I am butt ugly after all that passionate kissing me ;) !!). And if there was is it possible to rekindle that attraction in her at a future date. I did ask her if she would ever want more than friends again and she said she just couldn't tell at this stage – I hoped she would have said “no” outright if no is what she truly felt. In my mind she is worth waiting for - unlike others who have siad "just good friends". But is there any way to tell what she really thinks? Would be really interested in a response from ladies in particular!! Thanks for all and any feedback.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2009): Cut and run mate.
I have been there twice, and its a wast of time. The fist time was a year and the second time three months
Everything appears to be so right. She even tells you so.
But she will not commit (Goodness knows why). Then goes off with a total arsehole who abuses her and is mezmorized by Him.
The reason being your no challange. The fact is wemon are not attracted to softies. They want the dander man in hope thy came tame him. And if and when they do they bin him.
Its not thier fault is al to do with the way we are programmed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the answers so far. Both are helpful and commonsense (as much as the mysteries of love can be commonsense!). I wish I had a crystal ball to work out whether her ongoing desire to spend time with me socially each week (and even now go away on holiday with me this summer following a conversation yesterday!) is really just good friends stuff or offers hope for developing into more in the future! I guess only time will tell :)
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (22 June 2009):
 Give her some time if you think she's worth it. Just relax and take it easy. If she starts to warm up once the pressure is off, then great. However, if after a reasonable period of time (in my opinion a few months), nothing appears to change in her demeanor, then I'd just cut bait and move on.
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