A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So, my ex and I broke up about a few weeks ago for various reasons. In the end, us breaking up was kind of a combined effort so neither of us can blame the other saying 'You ended it' or 'This is your fault'.We've kept contact all throughout while staying very platonic. I still love and care about him and wonder if we could have a relationship in the future, which we both said was a possibility. Over the past few days though he has been getting more touchy and affectionate. He'll call me cute, say how much he wishes he was with me, and another thing that really made me think he was trying to make things work again.Normally he's a bit of a judgmental person. He wasn't toward me during our relationship, but as friends he treats me like all of his other friends and I give him the same courtesy. Like I'll tell him what show I'm watching on TV and he'll just be like 'Well there goes a half hour of your life'. He never did that when we were together and I know he doesn't really mean anything by it, but today he just said 'Honestly, watch whatever makes you happy. I don't mean to make you feel bad. I'm sorry.'He never, ever, ever admits to being wrong. So him making this little effort to make me feel better makes me think something is up.And also, when I was talking on the phone with him (he still calls me every day and we talk for long periods of time) I heard him mumble 'I like you' and when I asked him to repeat himself he completely changed the subject.From an outsider's perspective, does it seem like he's trying to patch things up? I would love to try and make things work between us again because I care about him so much, but I don't want to get my hopes up and be crushed. Any thoughts?Thanks in advance.
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male
reader, mrg123  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 Hiya,
Well I think these problems are solvable to be honest. An hour away isnt a huge distance in the grand scheme of things. For example, why don't you take it in turns to travel, you could use public transport? In any case, it seems to me you are already solving that problem and seeing each other more. If this is possible now I don't see why it would not be in the future.
As to you being at different stages in your life well that is only as much of a problem as you make it really. He is being very noble but being with him doesnt force you to grow up - ultimately it will be down to him to deal with his problems and they should only impact on you as and when he needs support and to be honest every stage of life has its problems and will require support so I am not seeing that as a major problem. I'll be honest, I only think this is a problem because the first thing and this is the real issue in your relationship.
To be honest I really feel quite strongly you should go for this - i really think if you dont your in danger of tossing something special away for reasons which ultimately are not substantial enough to justify the loss. Good luck, I really hope it works out for you :)xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, the reason we broke up is because he lives an hour away from me and we hardly get to see each other. He would drive up every weekend, pick me up, drive back to his house, we would hang out, he'd drive me home, and have to drive all the way back home when he was exhausted. He said all of this driving and being tired all the time was making him resent me which he didn't want to do so we both thought it best to cut things off until we could find a way to see each other without those same difficulties.Plus, he recently got his diploma and is looking for work and trying to start his life while I'm still in high school. He doesn't want me to have to grow up more quickly than I've already been forced to in the past because of him, which I understand.Lately, though, we've been seeing each other more and hardly arguing. He even said 'I can't picture my life if I didn't talk to you every day.' and I feel the same way. I just don't think either of us are the kind of people who can handle the distance and I don't want to get my hopes up to get them cut down again.Sorry this is so long. I really just don't know what to think.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 June 2011):
 Yes it does really sound like he is trying to patch things up, by the sounds of things I really don't see any reason why you both should not be together. Therefore talk to him ask to meet up with him and tell him how you feel. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): Congratulations, you display rare insight and literacy, and not just for a teenager.I'm not saying this is the case, but from an outsider's perspective I see the possibility that your ex might not be looking to patch things up as much as keep you around as a convenient Plan B to fall back on.From an adult's perspective you're still very young and you'll both be completely different people three, five and ten years from now, so the chances of a teen romance lasting into adulthood would be slim even if you were still a couple.I'm not saying you should rule out the posibility of a future together but if you are meant for each other it will happen naturally over time. Sounds like you're both comfortable where you are now, don't force things, in the long run he may be better suited to be your "boy friend" (buddy, confidante) than "boyfriend."
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A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (18 June 2011):
Well the short answer to this question is yes I think. He definitely seems to be trying to sending you subtle signals that he wants to be back with you. It seems to me he is feeling a bit like you - he wants to be back together but is scared of being bolder because he doesn't want his hopes crushed. So, if you want to get back together your totally going to have to send a clear signal of your own that's what you want. I would suggest you guys need to go hang-out somewhere you can talk and sort through it. However, before you get back together you really need to sort out what caused you to split up in the first place. If you dont address these issues then will most likely resurface and cause more problems further down the line. It seems to me like there wasn't anything seriously wrong - it seems to me the friction between your two personalities - you both seem strong willed - simply got too much and one or both of you took this too far and you split. If this is really so serious it will cause a problem but I don't think it is, I think you both probably need too, when your grating off each other learn to take a step back and cool down and then come back together when the heat has cooled down a bit. Good luck :)x
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