A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I know this is kind of long, but please read and please respond. Thank you! I’ve been in a turbulent relationship with my children’s father for the almost 13 years now. I chose to stay with him despite everything we have been through (job loss, unemployment, drug usage, drug selling, possible cheating- all on his part). Things have gotten somewhat better over the last couple of years. I have a great job and have been able to provide a stable home for our family. Recently I have been feeling (as I have in the past every once in a while) that he is not being faithful. I know for a fact that he is talking to a female on his cell phone quite often. (I know because I accessed his phone records and called the number.) She called once when I was around and he sent the call to voice mail. I asked who it was, and he said * (one of his male friends). So- he lied about who it was- which makes me believe that something is going on. I am not the jealous type. I know this girl used to work with him. He could of said who it was and said she was calling about work and I wouldn’t have cared. He has no reason to hide a strictly platonic friendship with a female from me. He has had them in the past and I have never given him any problems. I know that if I confront him about it he will lie. Situations like this have happened in the past and he always lies. I just choose to forget about it and we move on. Now that I am getting older and more mature, I realize that I deserve to be treated better. I don’t know what to do. I fear that I will never know the truth and I don’t want to live in a lie. Sometimes the thought of this other girl will pop into my mind and I get mad at him and have an attitude towards him. To him, I have an attitude for no reason- because I have never let on that I know about this- in hopes that I will catch him one day. Sometimes I’m not interested in sex with him because I think of what is going on with this other female. So- I guess my questions are…Does it sound like he is cheating? How can I approach him about this and get a straight answer? Should I even bother? Maybe I should just move on and forget about him!????
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): Tell me something...having lived through all this dysfunctional history with this man and how he has behaved in this marriage, have you ever, ever truly felt cherished, or completely loved by him? Why would any woman remain with a man who lies, won't work, sells drugs, and cheats on them? I have always been of the opinion, if they have done all this to you before and you did nothing to make him accountable for all this bad behaviors, you have taught him that he can cheat on you, he can lie to you time and time again..and you'll take him back, anyways. He knows precisely how you will react...why don't you show him something he's not expecting. Get the personal courage, the strength to kick his ass out of there. Call a lawyer...and ensure he is on the hook for child support. And go out and make a wonderful new, happier life for you and your kids. You need to do this for you and your family. Good luck, my dear and my heart is with you!
A
female
reader, BigSis  +, writes (27 June 2008):
 The fact that he lied to you about the call being from a male friend and you have proved otherwise, indicates his infidelity. You have every reason to doubt his honesty, there are too many obvious signs here.
If I were you I would confront him, come out~right with it and ask him for the truth.It's not fair the way he's treating you. You've provided a stable home for him and your children and he repays you like that?
You sound like such a loyal partner to him, In my opinion you deserve much much more. You shouldn't have to go on living this kind of life.
Don't worry about the children too much, I know it's hard not to, but they will adapt, and you will be a much happier woman. Believe me.
If you're willing to accept the truth from him...if he is having an affair, that is, then offer him an ultimatum, ie. "Either you stop having affairs and be honest with me, or you're out, and we're finished". I think you should let him know what you've found out. Don't keep things like this bottled up inside you, it's not healthy.
Think of your future, you said you're getting older, and more mature, so you know what you want and I think you have more or less made your mind up.
Go for it, and I sincerely hope you make the right decision, for your sake. Everyone of us deserves to be happy, you included.
Best of luck hon and be strong.
BigSis
xXx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): I have to be honest with you, I do think it is time to move on, as all the stability that you have (home, job etc) is by your doing, and not his. His past is obviously too much to overcome at this point as it is affecting you daily even now. He's a shady old dog and I don't think he's ever going to change. Think seriously about whether you really need him as your life partner, and then, if you think it right, ask him to leave. It doesn't mean that he can't have a relationship with any children you have together, but I do think it's time to call it quits between you two.
PS, yes, I do think he is probably cheating again - he's been forgiven too many times to ever think that it could be the final straw if he does it again.
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