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female
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anonymous
writes: Does it sometimes take time and a long process to get back together with an ex? such as not jumping back in as soon as you begin speaking again etc?My ex and I were with each other for almost 4 years and a year of no contact after the break up..noone cheated and it wasn't anything that couldn't be forgiven..i think we did really love each other and cared for each other alot..it was petty stuff that i think we can get over from just learning from mistakes etc..i know what i would do differently and told him this. I think I was too jealous at times etc. I personally know what i need to change for the future just in general so I think i have grown and I still care and miss him very much. He is in his 30's and I am in my mid twenties.i was strong and didnt not contact him until a year later because i still loved him. In about 3 months or so, it will be a year that we have been talking. He did tell me awhile ago he isn't ready to be in a relationship again. That he is looking to make extra money doing side jobs to pay off bills and isn't focused on that right now and that he is just breaking even right now.I did ask him very direct questions and made direct comments of how maybe he is just trying to be this "nice guy" and doesn't want to say that he just doesn't want ME. And he said that isn't exactly right b/c if it was about me then he would be seeing someone already or looking. I asked if he thinks he could have feelings for me again and wants to see me. And he said he thinks so but for now he can just offer friendship and to let him get his head together. We talk every week or couple of weeks or so but it is mostly me calling at this point.I really still care for him very much and its not as simple as he is an ex for a reason--i wish we could give this a second chance and i am hoping he would eventually come around.I have been dating in the meantime so i am not just sitting around but it doesn't make me feel as happy like i did with him.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): It sounds like your trying too hard. You need to accept he may never want to get back together. The fact that you're the one making the effort to stay in touch and he's not says a lot. You should try to move on and stop clinging to past.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): Hello,
You've posted this question many times.
Things take time, life doesn't always happen the way we want it to. Its a learning experience.
He may just want to be friends. If this is the case then you have to accept what he wants. He may still have feelings for you, he may not want to pursue a relationship despite what he's feeling for you. It truly depends on the situation.
I understand you still care for him and would like to get back together. He mentioned he's focused with work etc. The true question is if he isn't wanting to how long are you going to wait? You need to ask him outright if he's sees some kind of future with u. If he can't say yes then maybe you have your answer...
Good luck
;D
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni asked him if i was a good girlfriend to him and he said i was a very good girlfriend to him and whatever i did was never that bad; i was never malicious towards him or anything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): If you were a very jealous type and accused him unreasonably, your view of the relationship could be totally different to his. Its never nice to be accused of things. He might have had a dreadful time and never want to go there again. In short you might be better as a friend than you were as a girlfriend. And hes happier keeping it that way. He is civil and responds to you but clearly prefers to keep you at arms length. And thats his choice. You cant make him go out with you again if he doesnt want to. I get the feeling hes not being totally honest with you. Are you absolutely sure he isnt with someone else and just keeping you on a string with his mixed messages?
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