A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm 18 and have been seeing a guy (21) for the past 3 months or so. He lives about 40 minutes away from me and he has 2 jobs. I really like him but I have my doubts that he is really interested in me. I just wanna say the positive and negative details and maybe you guys can give me an idea of whether he could be into me or not. When we first met each other and started talking, we really liked each other and discovered we had a lot in common. Seems like we are compatible when it comes to intellect, maturity, and interests. Same passion for music, we both play multiple different instruments and are pursuing careers in music and art and I think that's really cool. But I had only been broken up from my last boyfriend for a month. So I told this guy that I wanted to take it slow and be careful. He said he understood and that he would get to know me better and be my friend first.Well we talked pretty much every single day since then. We talk for hours, about anything and everything. When we go on dates he pays for me and I've noticed he attentively listens to me when I talk (I'm not really used to a guy that does that). We make each other laugh and I love being with him. I have a lot of trouble trusting guys but for some reason, with him I feel like the wall comes down some, and I act exactly like myself (if that makes sense). He tells me I'm beautiful, have a radiant personality, etc. but I know talk is cheap.He recently stopped talking to me for a week. It seems like no big deal but after talking almost everyday it seems kinda odd to just stop talking to me for a week. He did text me today and said "Hey, I can't believe we haven't talked in a week :(". He hasn't tried anything sexual with me yet (which is good considering we've only known each other for a few months and I'm not really ready to get into that with him yet either) but he also hasn't shown me any physical affection at all. No holding, kissing, holding my hand, etc. Nothing except a brief hug when saying good bye. Is that normal? He hasn't mentioned anything about being serious with me but sometimes he drops hints like "I can't wait to meet your father", "One day I'll take you to _______", etc. So I don't know what to think. He is shy, and he has never actually had a girlfriend before so that may play a part in it. But I'm starting to wonder if he only thinks of me as a friend and we may never be anything more. What do you think? Thank you very much :)
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female
reader, tibob  +, writes (24 May 2014):
 You Said that he never had any girlfriend before. This may explain why he does not have confidence enough to be more intimate with you. I think he is interested in you as he has taken the time and made the effort to get to know you. Since you told him that you just broke up with your boyfriend, maybe he does not want to rush things. Try to initiate things between you, hold his hand and see his reaction. You will also give him the signal that you want to be more than friends.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (14 April 2014):
 Print out a copy of your submittal,... show it to him... and say: "Waddaya think???"
THAT should get you the answer to your question....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2014): He seems to have a lot of good qualities. You are very wise to take it slow after breaking up with your ex; giving yourself adequate time to heal.
You also need enough time for the residual negative-effects your ex left on you to wear-off; before you try to connect with anyone else.
Loneliness and missing the comfort of having someone close, may rush you into seeking a replacement. The mind gets tricky in this area, so be careful.
Sometimes the wounds are still pain-sensitive,and trust-issues surface. You could unintentionally hurt other him, by being suspicious; or making them feel as if you don't trust them. No one likes to be treated like that. Including yourself. That doesn't mean you close your eyes to red-flags. Just observer a pattern of bad behavior, before jumping to conclusions. You have a right to guard your feelings, as long as you don't get antsy.
His shyness may not allow him to get too close; but he may also sense that you're not ready. You may be giving off a vibe that you're not totally comfortable yet.
I'd say it is too soon to form a relationship; but a very good time to date and see other people. It will speed up your healing process. Keep you distracted in a positive and healthy way. Boost your confidence and restore your self-esteem. It will give you something to look forward to. I think the fact he isn't pushing the romance too quickly is healthier and safer for you. You still may be a little vulnerable right now.
It will give you time to get your ex completely out of your system; and you both will know for certain if your feelings are not on the rebound.
The gap in time may be for many reasons. You shouldn't panic when you don't hear from any guy for a short span.
I don't really like when the advice is given to just give up, or be suspicious. That may be based on trust-issues of the person offering such advice. That's insecurity.
He had better learn how important your feelings are. There must be mutual courtesy and respect established right now. You shouldn't be taken for granted. The less you react to his disappearance, the more you'll be able to observe if it's bad behavior or that he is just busy. Things are too new to be certain right now. It's over time that we really get to know people and their habits, or get used to their schedules. Get to know more about his work schedules, what he's up to, and discover what his interests are.
Anxiety or panic sends a message that you have an unhealthy dependence on someone else to make you feel safe or secure. That you depend too much on "their" reassurance that everything is okay. You should have that confidence already built-in.
Remember, they are equally deprived of "your" attention; which it is precious.
While you're in the introductory-stage, as you are in with him now; allow the guy time to breath, stretch, and have some "me-time." At that same-time, give yourself a breather. Take breaks to maintain your balance, care for yourself, tend to your old wounds, and stay in-tune with your own independence as a woman. Never surrender all your power to any man. Save love for yourself on reserve. You will need it. Guys get cocky when they feel a woman has fallen too soon. They get a bit full of themselves.
You are just as important as any man you offer your time and attention. Your validation and self-worth is not dependent on their persistence and consistency in contact over social media. It's based on the quality of time you spend together in-person; and how you are treated.
I think he is into you. I think he got busy. You got a little nervous; because you're still a little vulnerable and sensitive from being mistreated and under-appreciated by your ex. That distance between you and your new friend brought back flashbacks of when your ex abandoned you, or just ignored you. So panic sets in. You don't feel like games or wasting your time. I feel you there!
You have handled things well, so don't get anxious. I think his message let you know he missed you. That's a good sign.
Wait to see if there is a pattern of disconnection and long gaps he is out of touch. That would let you know with more certainty if he is not that into you.
I think being with him is so new, you will have a certain amount of hypersensitivity. That is normal, and very healthy. You are making strides in your recovery by allowing yourself to feel something outside of missing someone who broke-away. Trust yourself. You have pretty good instincts, but that stupid breakup has shaken you up a bit.
That gap of time you didn't hear from the guy, brought back that queasy feeling. So it is quite understandable that it will make you question if he really cares.
Keep your eyes open and reserve your feelings. Evaluate without being too desperate. If you stay with taking your time, you will see if he is growing closer, or further away.
Take his hand and give him signals now and then that it is okay to touch you. If you're sitting close, lean against him or wrap his arm around your shoulders. If he seems uncomfortable, give him time to get used to being close; and it will grow on him. Sometimes a shy-guy needs a little push.
I'm hoping the best for you. Just take your time and try not to panic or let your old-feelings from the past haunt or jitter you.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, tibob +, writes (13 April 2014):
You Said that he never had any girlfriend before. This may explain why he does not have confidence enough to be more intimate with you. I think he is interested in you as he has taken the time and made the effort to get to know you. Since you told him that you just broke up with your boyfriend, maybe he does not want to rush things. Try to initiate things between you, hold his hand and see his reaction. You will also give him the signal that you want to be more than friends.
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